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diff --git a/data/samples/wrapped/en/through_the_looking_glass.lewis_carroll.sst b/data/samples/wrapped/en/through_the_looking_glass.lewis_carroll.sst new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6aa9951 --- /dev/null +++ b/data/samples/wrapped/en/through_the_looking_glass.lewis_carroll.sst @@ -0,0 +1,3779 @@ +% SiSU 4.0.0 + +@title: Through The Looking-Glass + +@creator: Carroll, Lewis + +@date: + :published: 1871 + :created: 1871 + :issued: 1871 + :available: 1871 + :added_to_site: 2004-04-12 + +% 2005-10-30 + +@rights: + :copyright: Lewis Carroll + :license: Public Domain + +@classify: + :topic_register: SiSU markup sample:book:novel;book:novel:fiction:fantasy|children's fiction + +@links: +{ Through the Looking Glass @ Wikipedia }http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Through_the_Looking-Glass +{ Lewis Carroll @ Wikipedia }http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lewis_Carroll + +@make: + :headings: none; none; none; CHAPTER; + :breaks: new=3; break=4 + +:A~ @title @author \\ The Millennium Fulcrum Edition 1.7 [text only] + +CHAPTER I - Looking-Glass house + +One thing was certain, that the WHITE kitten had had nothing to do with it:--it +was the black kitten's fault entirely. For the white kitten had been having its +face washed by the old cat for the last quarter of an hour (and bearing it +pretty well, considering); so you see that it COULDN'T have had any hand in the +mischief. + +The way Dinah washed her children's faces was this: first she held the poor +thing down by its ear with one paw, and then with the other paw she rubbed its +face all over, the wrong way, beginning at the nose: and just now, as I said, +she was hard at work on the white kitten, which was lying quite still and +trying to purr--no doubt feeling that it was all meant for its good. + +But the black kitten had been finished with earlier in the afternoon, and so, +while Alice was sitting curled up in a corner of the great arm-chair, half +talking to herself and half asleep, the kitten had been having a grand game of +romps with the ball of worsted Alice had been trying to wind up, and had been +rolling it up and down till it had all come undone again; and there it was, +spread over the hearth-rug, all knots and tangles, with the kitten running +after its own tail in the middle. + +'Oh, you wicked little thing!' cried Alice, catching up the kitten, and giving +it a little kiss to make it understand that it was in disgrace. 'Really, Dinah +ought to have taught you better manners! You OUGHT, Dinah, you know you ought!' +she added, looking reproachfully at the old cat, and speaking in as cross a +voice as she could manage--and then she scrambled back into the arm-chair, +taking the kitten and the worsted with her, and began winding up the ball +again. But she didn't get on very fast, as she was talking all the time, +sometimes to the kitten, and sometimes to herself. Kitty sat very demurely on +her knee, pretending to watch the progress of the winding, and now and then +putting out one paw and gently touching the ball, as if it would be glad to +help, if it might. + +'Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty?' Alice began. 'You'd have guessed if +you'd been up in the window with me--only Dinah was making you tidy, so you +couldn't. I was watching the boys getting in sticks for the bonfire--and it +wants plenty of sticks, Kitty! Only it got so cold, and it snowed so, they had +to leave off. Never mind, Kitty, we'll go and see the bonfire to-morrow.' Here +Alice wound two or three turns of the worsted round the kitten's neck, just to +see how it would look: this led to a scramble, in which the ball rolled down +upon the floor, and yards and yards of it got unwound again. + +'Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on as soon as they were +comfortably settled again, 'when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I +was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And +you'd have deserved it, you little mischievous darling! What have you got to +say for yourself? Now don't interrupt me!' she went on, holding up one finger. +'I'm going to tell you all your faults. Number one: you squeaked twice while +Dinah was washing your face this morning. Now you can't deny it, Kitty: I heard +you! What's that you say?' (pretending that the kitten was speaking.) 'Her paw +went into your eye? Well, that's YOUR fault, for keeping your eyes open--if +you'd shut them tight up, it wouldn't have happened. Now don't make any more +excuses, but listen! Number two: you pulled Snowdrop away by the tail just as I +had put down the saucer of milk before her! What, you were thirsty, were you? +How do you know she wasn't thirsty too? Now for number three: you unwound every +bit of the worsted while I wasn't looking! + +'That's three faults, Kitty, and you've not been punished for any of them yet. +You know I'm saving up all your punishments for Wednesday week--Suppose they +had saved up all MY punishments!' she went on, talking more to herself than the +kitten. 'What WOULD they do at the end of a year? I should be sent to prison, I +suppose, when the day came. Or--let me see--suppose each punishment was to be +going without a dinner: then, when the miserable day came, I should have to go +without fifty dinners at once! Well, I shouldn't mind THAT much! I'd far rather +go without them than eat them! + +'Do you hear the snow against the window-panes, Kitty? How nice and soft it +sounds! Just as if some one was kissing the window all over outside. I wonder +if the snow LOVES the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then +it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, "Go +to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again." And when they wake up in the +summer, Kitty, they dress themselves all in green, and dance about--whenever +the wind blows--oh, that's very pretty!' cried Alice, dropping the ball of +worsted to clap her hands. 'And I do so WISH it was true! I'm sure the woods +look sleepy in the autumn, when the leaves are getting brown. + +'Kitty, can you play chess? Now, don't smile, my dear, I'm asking it seriously. +Because, when we were playing just now, you watched just as if you understood +it: and when I said "Check!" you purred! Well, it WAS a nice check, Kitty, and +really I might have won, if it hadn't been for that nasty Knight, that came +wiggling down among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let's pretend--' And here I wish I +could tell you half the things Alice used to say, beginning with her favourite +phrase 'Let's pretend.' She had had quite a long argument with her sister only +the day before --all because Alice had begun with 'Let's pretend we're kings +and queens;' and her sister, who liked being very exact, had argued that they +couldn't, because there were only two of them, and Alice had been reduced at +last to say, 'Well, YOU can be one of them then, and I'LL be all the rest.' And +once she had really frightened her old nurse by shouting suddenly in her ear, +'Nurse! Do let's pretend that I'm a hungry hyaena, and you're a bone.' + +But this is taking us away from Alice's speech to the kitten. 'Let's pretend +that you're the Red Queen, Kitty! Do you know, I think if you sat up and folded +your arms, you'd look exactly like her. Now do try, there's a dear!' And Alice +got the Red Queen off the table, and set it up before the kitten as a model for +it to imitate: however, the thing didn't succeed, principally, Alice said, +because the kitten wouldn't fold its arms properly. So, to punish it, she held +it up to the Looking-glass, that it might see how sulky it was--'and if you're +not good directly,' she added, 'I'll put you through into Looking-glass House. +How would you like THAT?' + +'Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, and not talk so much, I'll tell you all my +ideas about Looking-glass House. First, there's the room you can see through +the glass--that's just the same as our drawing room, only the things go the +other way. I can see all of it when I get upon a chair--all but the bit behind +the fireplace. Oh! I do so wish I could see THAT bit! I want so much to know +whether they've a fire in the winter: you never CAN tell, you know, unless our +fire smokes, and then smoke comes up in that room too--but that may be only +pretence, just to make it look as if they had a fire. Well then, the books are +something like our books, only the words go the wrong way; I know that, because +I've held up one of our books to the glass, and then they hold up one in the +other room. + +'How would you like to live in Looking-glass House, Kitty? I wonder if they'd +give you milk in there? Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn't good to drink--But oh, +Kitty! now we come to the passage. You can just see a little PEEP of the +passage in Looking-glass House, if you leave the door of our drawing-room wide +open: and it's very like our passage as far as you can see, only you know it +may be quite different on beyond. Oh, Kitty! how nice it would be if we could +only get through into Looking- glass House! I'm sure it's got, oh! such +beautiful things in it! Let's pretend there's a way of getting through into it, +somehow, Kitty. Let's pretend the glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we +can get through. Why, it's turning into a sort of mist now, I declare! It'll be +easy enough to get through--' She was up on the chimney-piece while she said +this, though she hardly knew how she had got there. And certainly the glass WAS +beginning to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist. + +In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into +the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look whether there +was a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find that there was a +real one, blazing away as brightly as the one she had left behind. 'So I shall +be as warm here as I was in the old room,' thought Alice: 'warmer, in fact, +because there'll be no one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh, what fun +it'll be, when they see me through the glass in here, and can't get at me!' + +Then she began looking about, and noticed that what could be seen from the old +room was quite common and uninteresting, but that all the rest was as different +as possible. For instance, the pictures on the wall next the fire seemed to be +all alive, and the very clock on the chimney-piece (you know you can only see +the back of it in the Looking-glass) had got the face of a little old man, and +grinned at her. + +'They don't keep this room so tidy as the other,' Alice thought to herself, as +she noticed several of the chessmen down in the hearth among the cinders: but +in another moment, with a little 'Oh!' of surprise, she was down on her hands +and knees watching them. The chessmen were walking about, two and two! + +'Here are the Red King and the Red Queen,' Alice said (in a whisper, for fear +of frightening them), 'and there are the White King and the White Queen sitting +on the edge of the shovel--and here are two castles walking arm in arm--I don't +think they can hear me,' she went on, as she put her head closer down, 'and I'm +nearly sure they can't see me. I feel somehow as if I were invisible--' + +Here something began squeaking on the table behind Alice, and made her turn her +head just in time to see one of the White Pawns roll over and begin kicking: +she watched it with great curiosity to see what would happen next. + +'It is the voice of my child!' the White Queen cried out as she rushed past the +King, so violently that she knocked him over among the cinders. 'My precious +Lily! My imperial kitten!' and she began scrambling wildly up the side of the +fender. + +'Imperial fiddlestick!' said the King, rubbing his nose, which had been hurt by +the fall. He had a right to be a LITTLE annoyed with the Queen, for he was +covered with ashes from head to foot. + +Alice was very anxious to be of use, and, as the poor little Lily was nearly +screaming herself into a fit, she hastily picked up the Queen and set her on +the table by the side of her noisy little daughter. + +The Queen gasped, and sat down: the rapid journey through the air had quite +taken away her breath and for a minute or two she could do nothing but hug the +little Lily in silence. As soon as she had recovered her breath a little, she +called out to the White King, who was sitting sulkily among the ashes, 'Mind +the volcano!' + +'What volcano?' said the King, looking up anxiously into the fire, as if he +thought that was the most likely place to find one. + +'Blew--me--up,' panted the Queen, who was still a little out of breath. 'Mind +you come up--the regular way--don't get blown up!' + +Alice watched the White King as he slowly struggled up from bar to bar, till at +last she said, 'Why, you'll be hours and hours getting to the table, at that +rate. I'd far better help you, hadn't I?' But the King took no notice of the +question: it was quite clear that he could neither hear her nor see her. + +So Alice picked him up very gently, and lifted him across more slowly than she +had lifted the Queen, that she mightn't take his breath away: but, before she +put him on the table, she thought she might as well dust him a little, he was +so covered with ashes. + +She said afterwards that she had never seen in all her life such a face as the +King made, when he found himself held in the air by an invisible hand, and +being dusted: he was far too much astonished to cry out, but his eyes and his +mouth went on getting larger and larger, and rounder and rounder, till her hand +shook so with laughing that she nearly let him drop upon the floor. + +'Oh! PLEASE don't make such faces, my dear!' she cried out, quite forgetting +that the King couldn't hear her. 'You make me laugh so that I can hardly hold +you! And don't keep your mouth so wide open! All the ashes will get into +it--there, now I think you're tidy enough!' she added, as she smoothed his +hair, and set him upon the table near the Queen. + +The King immediately fell flat on his back, and lay perfectly still: and Alice +was a little alarmed at what she had done, and went round the room to see if +she could find any water to throw over him. However, she could find nothing but +a bottle of ink, and when she got back with it she found he had recovered, and +he and the Queen were talking together in a frightened whisper--so low, that +Alice could hardly hear what they said. + +The King was saying, 'I assure, you my dear, I turned cold to the very ends of +my whiskers!' + +To which the Queen replied, 'You haven't got any whiskers.' + +'The horror of that moment,' the King went on, 'I shall never, NEVER forget!' + +'You will, though,' the Queen said, 'if you don't make a memorandum of it.' + +Alice looked on with great interest as the King took an enormous +memorandum-book out of his pocket, and began writing. A sudden thought struck +her, and she took hold of the end of the pencil, which came some way over his +shoulder, and began writing for him. + +The poor King looked puzzled and unhappy, and struggled with the pencil for +some time without saying anything; but Alice was too strong for him, and at +last he panted out, 'My dear! I really MUST get a thinner pencil. I can't +manage this one a bit; it writes all manner of things that I don't intend--' + +'What manner of things?' said the Queen, looking over the book (in which Alice +had put 'THE WHITE KNIGHT IS SLIDING DOWN THE POKER. HE BALANCES VERY BADLY') +'That's not a memorandum of YOUR feelings!' + +There was a book lying near Alice on the table, and while she sat watching the +White King (for she was still a little anxious about him, and had the ink all +ready to throw over him, in case he fainted again), she turned over the leaves, +to find some part that she could read, '--for it's all in some language I don't +know,' she said to herself. + +It was like this. + +poem{ + + YKCOWREBBAJ + + sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' + ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD + ,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA + .ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA + +}poem + +She puzzled over this for some time, but at last a bright thought struck her. +'Why, it's a Looking-glass book, of course! And if I hold it up to a glass, the +words will all go the right way again.' + +This was the poem that Alice read. + +poem{ + + JABBERWOCKY + + 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves + Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; + All mimsy were the borogoves, + And the mome raths outgrabe. + + 'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! + The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! + Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun + The frumious Bandersnatch!' + + He took his vorpal sword in hand: + Long time the manxome foe he sought-- + So rested he by the Tumtum tree, + And stood awhile in thought. + + And as in uffish thought he stood, + The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, + Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, + And burbled as it came! + + One, two! One, two! And through and through + The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! + He left it dead, and with its head + He went galumphing back. + + 'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? + Come to my arms, my beamish boy! + O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' + He chortled in his joy. + + 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves + Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; + All mimsy were the borogoves, + And the mome raths outgrabe. + +}poem + +'It seems very pretty,' she said when she had finished it, 'but it's RATHER +hard to understand!' (You see she didn't like to confess, ever to herself, that +she couldn't make it out at all.) 'Somehow it seems to fill my head with +ideas--only I don't exactly know what they are! However, SOMEBODY killed +SOMETHING: that's clear, at any rate--' + +'But oh!' thought Alice, suddenly jumping up, 'if I don't make haste I shall +have to go back through the Looking-glass, before I've seen what the rest of +the house is like! Let's have a look at the garden first!' She was out of the +room in a moment, and ran down stairs--or, at least, it wasn't exactly running, +but a new invention of hers for getting down stairs quickly and easily, as +Alice said to herself. She just kept the tips of her fingers on the hand-rail, +and floated gently down without even touching the stairs with her feet; then +she floated on through the hall, and would have gone straight out at the door +in the same way, if she hadn't caught hold of the door-post. She was getting a +little giddy with so much floating in the air, and was rather glad to find +herself walking again in the natural way. + +CHAPTER II - The Garden of Live Flowers + +'I should see the garden far better,' said Alice to herself, 'if I could get to +the top of that hill: and here's a path that leads straight to it--at least, +no, it doesn't do that--' (after going a few yards along the path, and turning +several sharp corners), 'but I suppose it will at last. But how curiously it +twists! It's more like a corkscrew than a path! Well, THIS turn goes to the +hill, I suppose--no, it doesn't! This goes straight back to the house! Well +then, I'll try it the other way.' + +And so she did: wandering up and down, and trying turn after turn, but always +coming back to the house, do what she would. Indeed, once, when she turned a +corner rather more quickly than usual, she ran against it before she could stop +herself. + +'It's no use talking about it,' Alice said, looking up at the house and +pretending it was arguing with her. 'I'm NOT going in again yet. I know I +should have to get through the Looking-glass again--back into the old room--and +there'd be an end of all my adventures!' + +So, resolutely turning her back upon the house, she set out once more down the +path, determined to keep straight on till she got to the hill. For a few +minutes all went on well, and she was just saying, 'I really SHALL do it this +time--' when the path gave a sudden twist and shook itself (as she described it +afterwards), and the next moment she found herself actually walking in at the +door. + +'Oh, it's too bad!' she cried. 'I never saw such a house for getting in the +way! Never!' + +However, there was the hill full in sight, so there was nothing to be done but +start again. This time she came upon a large flower-bed, with a border of +daisies, and a willow-tree growing in the middle. + +'O Tiger-lily,' said Alice, addressing herself to one that was waving +gracefully about in the wind, 'I WISH you could talk!' + +'We CAN talk,' said the Tiger-lily: 'when there's anybody worth talking to.' + +Alice was so astonished that she could not speak for a minute: it quite seemed +to take her breath away. At length, as the Tiger-lily only went on waving +about, she spoke again, in a timid voice--almost in a whisper. 'And can ALL the +flowers talk?' + +'As well as YOU can,' said the Tiger-lily. 'And a great deal louder.' + +'It isn't manners for us to begin, you know,' said the Rose, 'and I really was +wondering when you'd speak! Said I to myself, "Her face has got SOME sense in +it, though it's not a clever one!" Still, you're the right colour, and that +goes a long way.' + +'I don't care about the colour,' the Tiger-lily remarked. 'If only her petals +curled up a little more, she'd be all right.' + +Alice didn't like being criticised, so she began asking questions. 'Aren't you +sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of +you?' + +'There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose: 'what else is it good for?' + +'But what could it do, if any danger came?' Alice asked. + +'It says "Bough-wough!"' cried a Daisy: 'that's why its branches are called +boughs!' + +'Didn't you know THAT?' cried another Daisy, and here they all began shouting +together, till the air seemed quite full of little shrill voices. 'Silence, +every one of you!' cried the Tiger- lily, waving itself passionately from side +to side, and trembling with excitement. 'They know I can't get at them!' it +panted, bending its quivering head towards Alice, 'or they wouldn't dare to do +it!' + +'Never mind!' Alice said in a soothing tone, and stooping down to the daisies, +who were just beginning again, she whispered, 'If you don't hold your tongues, +I'll pick you!' + +There was silence in a moment, and several of the pink daisies turned white. + +'That's right!' said the Tiger-lily. 'The daisies are worst of all. When one +speaks, they all begin together, and it's enough to make one wither to hear the +way they go on!' + +'How is it you can all talk so nicely?' Alice said, hoping to get it into a +better temper by a compliment. 'I've been in many gardens before, but none of +the flowers could talk.' + +'Put your hand down, and feel the ground,' said the Tiger-lily. 'Then you'll +know why.' + +Alice did so. 'It's very hard,' she said, 'but I don't see what that has to do +with it.' + +'In most gardens,' the Tiger-lily said, 'they make the beds too soft--so that +the flowers are always asleep.' + +This sounded a very good reason, and Alice was quite pleased to know it. 'I +never thought of that before!' she said. + +'It's MY opinion that you never think AT ALL,' the Rose said in a rather severe +tone. + +'I never saw anybody that looked stupider,' a Violet said, so suddenly, that +Alice quite jumped; for it hadn't spoken before. + +'Hold YOUR tongue!' cried the Tiger-lily. 'As if YOU ever saw anybody! You keep +your head under the leaves, and snore away there, till you know no more what's +going on in the world, than if you were a bud!' + +'Are there any more people in the garden besides me?' Alice said, not choosing +to notice the Rose's last remark. + +'There's one other flower in the garden that can move about like you,' said the +Rose. 'I wonder how you do it--' ('You're always wondering,' said the +Tiger-lily), 'but she's more bushy than you are.' + +'Is she like me?' Alice asked eagerly, for the thought crossed her mind, +'There's another little girl in the garden, somewhere!' + +'Well, she has the same awkward shape as you,' the Rose said, 'but she's +redder--and her petals are shorter, I think.' + +'Her petals are done up close, almost like a dahlia,' the Tiger-lily +interrupted: 'not tumbled about anyhow, like yours.' + +'But that's not YOUR fault,' the Rose added kindly: 'you're beginning to fade, +you know--and then one can't help one's petals getting a little untidy.' + +Alice didn't like this idea at all: so, to change the subject, she asked 'Does +she ever come out here?' + +'I daresay you'll see her soon,' said the Rose. 'She's one of the thorny kind.' + +'Where does she wear the thorns?' Alice asked with some curiosity. + +'Why all round her head, of course,' the Rose replied. 'I was wondering YOU +hadn't got some too. I thought it was the regular rule.' + +'She's coming!' cried the Larkspur. 'I hear her footstep, thump, thump, thump, +along the gravel-walk!' + +Alice looked round eagerly, and found that it was the Red Queen. 'She's grown a +good deal!' was her first remark. She had indeed: when Alice first found her in +the ashes, she had been only three inches high--and here she was, half a head +taller than Alice herself! + +'It's the fresh air that does it,' said the Rose: 'wonderfully fine air it is, +out here.' + +'I think I'll go and meet her,' said Alice, for, though the flowers were +interesting enough, she felt that it would be far grander to have a talk with a +real Queen. + +'You can't possibly do that,' said the Rose: '_I_ should advise you to walk the +other way.' + +This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she said nothing, but set off at once +towards the Red Queen. To her surprise, she lost sight of her in a moment, and +found herself walking in at the front-door again. + +A little provoked, she drew back, and after looking everywhere for the queen +(whom she spied out at last, a long way off), she thought she would try the +plan, this time, of walking in the opposite direction. + +It succeeded beautifully. She had not been walking a minute before she found +herself face to face with the Red Queen, and full in sight of the hill she had +been so long aiming at. + +'Where do you come from?' said the Red Queen. 'And where are you going? Look +up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers all the time.' + +Alice attended to all these directions, and explained, as well as she could, +that she had lost her way. + +'I don't know what you mean by YOUR way,' said the Queen: 'all the ways about +here belong to ME--but why did you come out here at all?' she added in a kinder +tone. 'Curtsey while you're thinking what to say, it saves time.' + +Alice wondered a little at this, but she was too much in awe of the Queen to +disbelieve it. 'I'll try it when I go home,' she thought to herself, 'the next +time I'm a little late for dinner.' + +'It's time for you to answer now,' the Queen said, looking at her watch: 'open +your mouth a LITTLE wider when you speak, and always say "your Majesty."' + +'I only wanted to see what the garden was like, your Majesty--' + +'That's right,' said the Queen, patting her on the head, which Alice didn't +like at all, 'though, when you say "garden,"--I'VE seen gardens, compared with +which this would be a wilderness.' + +Alice didn't dare to argue the point, but went on: '--and I thought I'd try and +find my way to the top of that hill--' + +'When you say "hill,"' the Queen interrupted, '_I_ could show you hills, in +comparison with which you'd call that a valley.' + +'No, I shouldn't,' said Alice, surprised into contradicting her at last: 'a +hill CAN'T be a valley, you know. That would be nonsense--' + +The Red Queen shook her head, 'You may call it "nonsense" if you like,' she +said, 'but I'VE heard nonsense, compared with which that would be as sensible +as a dictionary!' + +Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid from the Queen's tone that she was a +LITTLE offended: and they walked on in silence till they got to the top of the +little hill. + +For some minutes Alice stood without speaking, looking out in all directions +over the country--and a most curious country it was. There were a number of +tiny little brooks running straight across it from side to side, and the ground +between was divided up into squares by a number of little green hedges, that +reached from brook to brook. + +'I declare it's marked out just like a large chessboard!' Alice said at last. +'There ought to be some men moving about somewhere --and so there are!' She +added in a tone of delight, and her heart began to beat quick with excitement +as she went on. 'It's a great huge game of chess that's being played--all over +the world--if this IS the world at all, you know. Oh, what fun it is! How I +WISH I was one of them! I wouldn't mind being a Pawn, if only I might +join--though of course I should LIKE to be a Queen, best.' + +She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen as she said this, but her companion +only smiled pleasantly, and said, 'That's easily managed. You can be the White +Queen's Pawn, if you like, as Lily's too young to play; and you're in the +Second Square to begin with: when you get to the Eighth Square you'll be a +Queen --' Just at this moment, somehow or other, they began to run. + +Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over afterwards, how it was +that they began: all she remembers is, that they were running hand in hand, and +the Queen went so fast that it was all she could do to keep up with her: and +still the Queen kept crying 'Faster! Faster!' but Alice felt she COULD NOT go +faster, though she had not breath left to say so. + +The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees and the other things +round them never changed their places at all: however fast they went, they +never seemed to pass anything. 'I wonder if all the things move along with us?' +thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen seemed to guess her thoughts, for she +cried, 'Faster! Don't try to talk!' + +Not that Alice had any idea of doing THAT. She felt as if she would never be +able to talk again, she was getting so much out of breath: and still the Queen +cried 'Faster! Faster!' and dragged her along. 'Are we nearly there?' Alice +managed to pant out at last. + +'Nearly there!' the Queen repeated. 'Why, we passed it ten minutes ago! +Faster!' And they ran on for a time in silence, with the wind whistling in +Alice's ears, and almost blowing her hair off her head, she fancied. + +'Now! Now!' cried the Queen. 'Faster! Faster!' And they went so fast that at +last they seemed to skim through the air, hardly touching the ground with their +feet, till suddenly, just as Alice was getting quite exhausted, they stopped, +and she found herself sitting on the ground, breathless and giddy. + +The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said kindly, 'You may rest a +little now.' + +Alice looked round her in great surprise. 'Why, I do believe we've been under +this tree the whole time! Everything's just as it was!' + +'Of course it is,' said the Queen, 'what would you have it?' + +'Well, in OUR country,' said Alice, still panting a little, 'you'd generally +get to somewhere else--if you ran very fast for a long time, as we've been +doing.' + +'A slow sort of country!' said the Queen. 'Now, HERE, you see, it takes all the +running YOU can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere +else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!' + +'I'd rather not try, please!' said Alice. 'I'm quite content to stay here--only +I AM so hot and thirsty!' + +'I know what YOU'D like!' the Queen said good-naturedly, taking a little box +out of her pocket. 'Have a biscuit?' + +Alice thought it would not be civil to say 'No,' though it wasn't at all what +she wanted. So she took it, and ate it as well as she could: and it was VERY +dry; and she thought she had never been so nearly choked in all her life. + +'While you're refreshing yourself,' said the Queen, 'I'll just take the +measurements.' And she took a ribbon out of her pocket, marked in inches, and +began measuring the ground, and sticking little pegs in here and there. + +'At the end of two yards,' she said, putting in a peg to mark the distance, 'I +shall give you your directions--have another biscuit?' + +'No, thank you,' said Alice: 'one's QUITE enough!' + +'Thirst quenched, I hope?' said the Queen. + +Alice did not know what to say to this, but luckily the Queen did not wait for +an answer, but went on. 'At the end of THREE yards I shall repeat them--for +fear of your forgetting them. At the end of FOUR, I shall say good-bye. And at +the end of FIVE, I shall go!' + +She had got all the pegs put in by this time, and Alice looked on with great +interest as she returned to the tree, and then began slowly walking down the +row. + +At the two-yard peg she faced round, and said, 'A pawn goes two squares in its +first move, you know. So you'll go VERY quickly through the Third Square--by +railway, I should think--and you'll find yourself in the Fourth Square in no +time. Well, THAT square belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee--the Fifth is +mostly water--the Sixth belongs to Humpty Dumpty--But you make no remark?' + +'I--I didn't know I had to make one--just then,' Alice faltered out. + +'You SHOULD have said, "It's extremely kind of you to tell me all +this"--however, we'll suppose it said--the Seventh Square is all +forest--however, one of the Knights will show you the way--and in the Eighth +Square we shall be Queens together, and it's all feasting and fun!' Alice got +up and curtseyed, and sat down again. + +At the next peg the Queen turned again, and this time she said, 'Speak in +French when you can't think of the English for a thing --turn out your toes as +you walk--and remember who you are!' She did not wait for Alice to curtsey this +time, but walked on quickly to the next peg, where she turned for a moment to +say 'good-bye,' and then hurried on to the last. + +How it happened, Alice never knew, but exactly as she came to the last peg, she +was gone. Whether she vanished into the air, or whether she ran quickly into +the wood ('and she CAN run very fast!' thought Alice), there was no way of +guessing, but she was gone, and Alice began to remember that she was a Pawn, +and that it would soon be time for her to move. + +CHAPTER III - Looking-Glass Insects + +Of course the first thing to do was to make a grand survey of the country she +was going to travel through. 'It's something very like learning geography,' +thought Alice, as she stood on tiptoe in hopes of being able to see a little +further. 'Principal rivers-- there ARE none. Principal mountains--I'm on the +only one, but I don't think it's got any name. Principal towns--why, what ARE +those creatures, making honey down there? They can't be bees-- nobody ever saw +bees a mile off, you know--' and for some time she stood silent, watching one +of them that was bustling about among the flowers, poking its proboscis into +them, 'just as if it was a regular bee,' thought Alice. + +However, this was anything but a regular bee: in fact it was an elephant--as +Alice soon found out, though the idea quite took her breath away at first. 'And +what enormous flowers they must be!' was her next idea. 'Something like +cottages with the roofs taken off, and stalks put to them--and what quantities +of honey they must make! I think I'll go down and--no, I won't JUST yet,' she +went on, checking herself just as she was beginning to run down the hill, and +trying to find some excuse for turning shy so suddenly. 'It'll never do to go +down among them without a good long branch to brush them away--and what fun +it'll be when they ask me how I like my walk. I shall say-- "Oh, I like it well +enough--"' (here came the favourite little toss of the head), '"only it was so +dusty and hot, and the elephants did tease so!"' + +'I think I'll go down the other way,' she said after a pause: 'and perhaps I +may visit the elephants later on. Besides, I do so want to get into the Third +Square!' + +So with this excuse she ran down the hill and jumped over the first of the six +little brooks. + +poem{ + +* * * * ~# + + * * * ~# + +* * * * ~# + +}poem + +'Tickets, please!' said the Guard, putting his head in at the window. In a +moment everybody was holding out a ticket: they were about the same size as the +people, and quite seemed to fill the carriage. + +'Now then! Show your ticket, child!' the Guard went on, looking angrily at +Alice. And a great many voices all said together ('like the chorus of a song,' +thought Alice), 'Don't keep him waiting, child! Why, his time is worth a +thousand pounds a minute!' + +'I'm afraid I haven't got one,' Alice said in a frightened tone: 'there wasn't +a ticket-office where I came from.' And again the chorus of voices went on. +'There wasn't room for one where she came from. The land there is worth a +thousand pounds an inch!' + +'Don't make excuses,' said the Guard: 'you should have bought one from the +engine-driver.' And once more the chorus of voices went on with 'The man that +drives the engine. Why, the smoke alone is worth a thousand pounds a puff!' + +Alice thought to herself, 'Then there's no use in speaking.' The voices didn't +join in this time, as she hadn't spoken, but to her great surprise, they all +THOUGHT in chorus (I hope you understand what THINKING IN CHORUS means--for I +must confess that _I_ don't), 'Better say nothing at all. Language is worth a +thousand pounds a word!' + +'I shall dream about a thousand pounds tonight, I know I shall!' thought Alice. + +All this time the Guard was looking at her, first through a telescope, then +through a microscope, and then through an opera- glass. At last he said, +'You're travelling the wrong way,' and shut up the window and went away. + +'So young a child,' said the gentleman sitting opposite to her (he was dressed +in white paper), 'ought to know which way she's going, even if she doesn't know +her own name!' + +A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman in white, shut his eyes and said +in a loud voice, 'She ought to know her way to the ticket-office, even if she +doesn't know her alphabet!' + +There was a Beetle sitting next to the Goat (it was a very queer carriage-full +of passengers altogether), and, as the rule seemed to be that they should all +speak in turn, HE went on with 'She'll have to go back from here as luggage!' + +Alice couldn't see who was sitting beyond the Beetle, but a hoarse voice spoke +next. 'Change engines--' it said, and was obliged to leave off. + +'It sounds like a horse,' Alice thought to herself. And an extremely small +voice, close to her ear, said, 'You might make a joke on that--something about +"horse" and "hoarse," you know.' + +Then a very gentle voice in the distance said, 'She must be labelled "Lass, +with care," you know--' + +And after that other voices went on ('What a number of people there are in the +carriage!' thought Alice), saying, 'She must go by post, as she's got a head on +her--' 'She must be sent as a message by the telegraph--' 'She must draw the +train herself the rest of the way--' and so on. + +But the gentleman dressed in white paper leaned forwards and whispered in her +ear, 'Never mind what they all say, my dear, but take a return-ticket every +time the train stops.' + +'Indeed I shan't!' Alice said rather impatiently. 'I don't belong to this +railway journey at all--I was in a wood just now --and I wish I could get back +there.' + +'You might make a joke on THAT,' said the little voice close to her ear: +'something about "you WOULD if you could," you know.' + +'Don't tease so,' said Alice, looking about in vain to see where the voice came +from; 'if you're so anxious to have a joke made, why don't you make one +yourself?' + +The little voice sighed deeply: it was VERY unhappy, evidently, and Alice would +have said something pitying to comfort it, 'If it would only sigh like other +people!' she thought. But this was such a wonderfully small sigh, that she +wouldn't have heard it at all, if it hadn't come QUITE close to her ear. The +consequence of this was that it tickled her ear very much, and quite took off +her thoughts from the unhappiness of the poor little creature. + +'I know you are a friend,' the little voice went on; 'a dear friend, and an old +friend. And you won't hurt me, though I AM an insect.' + +'What kind of insect?' Alice inquired a little anxiously. What she really +wanted to know was, whether it could sting or not, but she thought this +wouldn't be quite a civil question to ask. + +'What, then you don't--' the little voice began, when it was drowned by a +shrill scream from the engine, and everybody jumped up in alarm, Alice among +the rest. + +The Horse, who had put his head out of the window, quietly drew it in and said, +'It's only a brook we have to jump over.' Everybody seemed satisfied with this, +though Alice felt a little nervous at the idea of trains jumping at all. +'However, it'll take us into the Fourth Square, that's some comfort!' she said +to herself. In another moment she felt the carriage rise straight up into the +air, and in her fright she caught at the thing nearest to her hand, which +happened to be the Goat's beard. + +poem{ + +* * * * ~# + + * * * ~# + +* * * * ~# + +}poem + +But the beard seemed to melt away as she touched it, and she found herself +sitting quietly under a tree--while the Gnat (for that was the insect she had +been talking to) was balancing itself on a twig just over her head, and fanning +her with its wings. + +It certainly was a VERY large Gnat: 'about the size of a chicken,' Alice +thought. Still, she couldn't feel nervous with it, after they had been talking +together so long. + +'--then you don't like all insects?' the Gnat went on, as quietly as if nothing +had happened. + +'I like them when they can talk,' Alice said. 'None of them ever talk, where +_{I}_ come from.' + +'What sort of insects do you rejoice in, where YOU come from?' the Gnat +inquired. + +'I don't REJOICE in insects at all,' Alice explained, 'because I'm rather +afraid of them--at least the large kinds. But I can tell you the names of some +of them.' + +'Of course they answer to their names?' the Gnat remarked carelessly. + +'I never knew them do it.' + +'What's the use of their having names,' the Gnat said, 'if they won't answer to +them?' + +'No use to THEM,' said Alice; 'but it's useful to the people who name them, I +suppose. If not, why do things have names at all?' + +'I can't say,' the Gnat replied. 'Further on, in the wood down there, they've +got no names--however, go on with your list of insects: you're wasting time.' + +'Well, there's the Horse-fly,' Alice began, counting off the names on her +fingers. + +'All right,' said the Gnat: 'half way up that bush, you'll see a +Rocking-horse-fly, if you look. It's made entirely of wood, and gets about by +swinging itself from branch to branch.' + +'What does it live on?' Alice asked, with great curiosity. + +'Sap and sawdust,' said the Gnat. 'Go on with the list.' + +Alice looked up at the Rocking-horse-fly with great interest, and made up her +mind that it must have been just repainted, it looked so bright and sticky; and +then she went on. + +'And there's the Dragon-fly.' + +'Look on the branch above your head,' said the Gnat, 'and there you'll find a +snap-dragon-fly. Its body is made of plum-pudding, its wings of holly-leaves, +and its head is a raisin burning in brandy.' + +'And what does it live on?' + +'Frumenty and mince pie,' the Gnat replied; 'and it makes its nest in a +Christmas box.' + +'And then there's the Butterfly,' Alice went on, after she had taken a good +look at the insect with its head on fire, and had thought to herself, 'I wonder +if that's the reason insects are so fond of flying into candles--because they +want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies!' + +'Crawling at your feet,' said the Gnat (Alice drew her feet back in some +alarm), 'you may observe a Bread-and-Butterfly. Its wings are thin slices of +Bread-and-butter, its body is a crust, and its head is a lump of sugar.' + +'And what does IT live on?' + +'Weak tea with cream in it.' + +A new difficulty came into Alice's head. 'Supposing it couldn't find any?' she +suggested. + +'Then it would die, of course.' + +'But that must happen very often,' Alice remarked thoughtfully. + +'It always happens,' said the Gnat. + +After this, Alice was silent for a minute or two, pondering. The Gnat amused +itself meanwhile by humming round and round her head: at last it settled again +and remarked, 'I suppose you don't want to lose your name?' + +'No, indeed,' Alice said, a little anxiously. + +'And yet I don't know,' the Gnat went on in a careless tone: 'only think how +convenient it would be if you could manage to go home without it! For instance, +if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would call out "come +here--," and there she would have to leave off, because there wouldn't be any +name for her to call, and of course you wouldn't have to go, you know.' + +'That would never do, I'm sure,' said Alice: 'the governess would never think +of excusing me lessons for that. If she couldn't remember my name, she'd call +me "Miss!" as the servants do.' + +'Well, if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more,' the Gnat remarked, +'of course you'd miss your lessons. That's a joke. I wish YOU had made it.' + +'Why do you wish _{I}_ had made it?' Alice asked. 'It's a very bad one.' + +But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two large tears came rolling down its +cheeks. + +'You shouldn't make jokes,' Alice said, 'if it makes you so unhappy.' + +Then came another of those melancholy little sighs, and this time the poor Gnat +really seemed to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked up, there was +nothing whatever to be seen on the twig, and, as she was getting quite chilly +with sitting still so long, she got up and walked on. + +She very soon came to an open field, with a wood on the other side of it: it +looked much darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a LITTLE timid about +going into it. However, on second thoughts, she made up her mind to go on: 'for +I certainly won't go BACK,' she thought to herself, and this was the only way +to the Eighth Square. + +'This must be the wood,' she said thoughtfully to herself, 'where things have +no names. I wonder what'll become of MY name when I go in? I shouldn't like to +lose it at all--because they'd have to give me another, and it would be almost +certain to be an ugly one. But then the fun would be trying to find the +creature that had got my old name! That's just like the advertisements, you +know, when people lose dogs--"ANSWERS TO THE NAME OF 'DASH:' HAD ON A BRASS +COLLAR"--just fancy calling everything you met "Alice," till one of them +answered! Only they wouldn't answer at all, if they were wise.' + +She was rambling on in this way when she reached the wood: it looked very cool +and shady. 'Well, at any rate it's a great comfort,' she said as she stepped +under the trees, 'after being so hot, to get into the--into WHAT?' she went on, +rather surprised at not being able to think of the word. 'I mean to get under +the--under the--under THIS, you know!' putting her hand on the trunk of the +tree. 'What DOES it call itself, I wonder? I do believe it's got no name--why, +to be sure it hasn't!' + +She stood silent for a minute, thinking: then she suddenly began again. 'Then +it really HAS happened, after all! And now, who am I? I WILL remember, if I +can! I'm determined to do it!' But being determined didn't help much, and all +she could say, after a great deal of puzzling, was, 'L, I KNOW it begins with +L!' + +Just then a Fawn came wandering by: it looked at Alice with its large gentle +eyes, but didn't seem at all frightened. 'Here then! Here then!' Alice said, as +she held out her hand and tried to stroke it; but it only started back a +little, and then stood looking at her again. + +'What do you call yourself?' the Fawn said at last. Such a soft sweet voice it +had! + +'I wish I knew!' thought poor Alice. She answered, rather sadly, 'Nothing, just +now.' + +'Think again,' it said: 'that won't do.' + +Alice thought, but nothing came of it. 'Please, would you tell me what YOU call +yourself?' she said timidly. 'I think that might help a little.' + +'I'll tell you, if you'll move a little further on,' the Fawn said. 'I can't +remember here.' + +So they walked on together though the wood, Alice with her arms clasped +lovingly round the soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into another open +field, and here the Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air, and shook itself +free from Alice's arms. 'I'm a Fawn!' it cried out in a voice of delight, 'and, +dear me! you're a human child!' A sudden look of alarm came into its beautiful +brown eyes, and in another moment it had darted away at full speed. + +Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to cry with vexation at having lost +her dear little fellow-traveller so suddenly. 'However, I know my name now.' +she said, 'that's SOME comfort. Alice--Alice--I won't forget it again. And now, +which of these finger-posts ought I to follow, I wonder?' + +It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there was only one road +through the wood, and the two finger-posts both pointed along it. 'I'll settle +it,' Alice said to herself, 'when the road divides and they point different +ways.' + +But this did not seem likely to happen. She went on and on, a long way, but +wherever the road divided there were sure to be two finger-posts pointing the +same way, one marked 'TO TWEEDLEDUM'S HOUSE' and the other 'TO THE HOUSE OF +TWEEDLEDEE.' + +'I do believe,' said Alice at last, 'that they live in the same house! I wonder +I never thought of that before--But I can't stay there long. I'll just call and +say "how d'you do?" and ask them the way out of the wood. If I could only get +to the Eighth Square before it gets dark!' So she wandered on, talking to +herself as she went, till, on turning a sharp corner, she came upon two fat +little men, so suddenly that she could not help starting back, but in another +moment she recovered herself, feeling sure that they must be. + +CHAPTER IV - Tweedledum and Tweedledee + +They were standing under a tree, each with an arm round the other's neck, and +Alice knew which was which in a moment, because one of them had 'DUM' +embroidered on his collar, and the other 'DEE.' 'I suppose they've each got +"TWEEDLE" round at the back of the collar,' she said to herself. + +They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she was just +looking round to see if the word "TWEEDLE" was written at the back of each +collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the one marked 'DUM.' + +'If you think we're wax-works,' he said, 'you ought to pay, you know. Wax-works +weren't made to be looked at for nothing, nohow!' + +'Contrariwise,' added the one marked 'DEE,' 'if you think we're alive, you +ought to speak.' + +'I'm sure I'm very sorry,' was all Alice could say; for the words of the old +song kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock, and she could +hardly help saying them out loud:-- + +poem{ + + 'Tweedledum and Tweedledee + Agreed to have a battle; + For Tweedledum said Tweedledee + Had spoiled his nice new rattle. + + Just then flew down a monstrous crow, + As black as a tar-barrel; + Which frightened both the heroes so, + They quite forgot their quarrel.' + +}poem + +'I know what you're thinking about,' said Tweedledum: 'but it isn't so, nohow.' + +'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be; and if it +were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.' + +'I was thinking,' Alice said very politely, 'which is the best way out of this +wood: it's getting so dark. Would you tell me, please?' + +But the little men only looked at each other and grinned. + +They looked so exactly like a couple of great schoolboys, that Alice couldn't +help pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying 'First Boy!' + +'Nohow!' Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut his mouth up again with a snap. + +'Next Boy!' said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain +he would only shout out 'Contrariwise!' and so he did. + +'You've been wrong!' cried Tweedledum. 'The first thing in a visit is to say +"How d'ye do?" and shake hands!' And here the two brothers gave each other a +hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, to shake hands with +her. + +Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting +the other one's feelings; so, as the best way out of the difficulty, she took +hold of both hands at once: the next moment they were dancing round in a ring. +This seemed quite natural (she remembered afterwards), and she was not even +surprised to hear music playing: it seemed to come from the tree under which +they were dancing, and it was done (as well as she could make it out) by the +branches rubbing one across the other, like fiddles and fiddle-sticks. + +'But it certainly WAS funny,' (Alice said afterwards, when she was telling her +sister the history of all this,) 'to find myself singing "HERE WE GO ROUND THE +MULBERRY BUSH." I don't know when I began it, but somehow I felt as if I'd been +singing it a long long time!' + +The other two dancers were fat, and very soon out of breath. 'Four times round +is enough for one dance,' Tweedledum panted out, and they left off dancing as +suddenly as they had begun: the music stopped at the same moment. + +Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood looking at her for a minute: there +was a rather awkward pause, as Alice didn't know how to begin a conversation +with people she had just been dancing with. 'It would never do to say "How d'ye +do?" NOW,' she said to herself: 'we seem to have got beyond that, somehow!' + +'I hope you're not much tired?' she said at last. + +'Nohow. And thank you VERY much for asking,' said Tweedledum. + +'So much obliged!' added Tweedledee. 'You like poetry?' + +'Ye-es, pretty well--SOME poetry,' Alice said doubtfully. 'Would you tell me +which road leads out of the wood?' + +'What shall I repeat to her?' said Tweedledee, looking round at Tweedledum with +great solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice's question. + +'"THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER" is the longest,' Tweedledum replied, giving his +brother an affectionate hug. + +Tweedledee began instantly: + +'The sun was shining--' + +Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. 'If it's VERY long,' she said, as +politely as she could, 'would you please tell me first which road--' + +Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again: + +poem{ + + 'The sun was shining on the sea, + Shining with all his might: + He did his very best to make + The billows smooth and bright-- + And this was odd, because it was + The middle of the night. + + The moon was shining sulkily, + Because she thought the sun + Had got no business to be there + After the day was done-- + "It's very rude of him," she said, + "To come and spoil the fun!" + + The sea was wet as wet could be, + The sands were dry as dry. + You could not see a cloud, because + No cloud was in the sky: + No birds were flying over head-- + There were no birds to fly. + + The Walrus and the Carpenter + Were walking close at hand; + They wept like anything to see + Such quantities of sand: + "If this were only cleared away," + They said, "it WOULD be grand!" + + "If seven maids with seven mops + Swept it for half a year, + Do you suppose," the Walrus said, + "That they could get it clear?" + "I doubt it," said the Carpenter, + And shed a bitter tear. + + "O Oysters, come and walk with us!" + The Walrus did beseech. + "A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, + Along the briny beach: + We cannot do with more than four, + To give a hand to each." + + The eldest Oyster looked at him. + But never a word he said: + The eldest Oyster winked his eye, + And shook his heavy head-- + Meaning to say he did not choose + To leave the oyster-bed. + + But four young oysters hurried up, + All eager for the treat: + Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, + Their shoes were clean and neat-- + And this was odd, because, you know, + They hadn't any feet. + + Four other Oysters followed them, + And yet another four; + And thick and fast they came at last, + And more, and more, and more-- + All hopping through the frothy waves, + And scrambling to the shore. + + The Walrus and the Carpenter + Walked on a mile or so, + And then they rested on a rock + Conveniently low: + And all the little Oysters stood + And waited in a row. + + "The time has come," the Walrus said, + "To talk of many things: + Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- + Of cabbages--and kings-- + And why the sea is boiling hot-- + And whether pigs have wings." + + "But wait a bit," the Oysters cried, + "Before we have our chat; + For some of us are out of breath, + And all of us are fat!" + "No hurry!" said the Carpenter. + They thanked him much for that. + + "A loaf of bread," the Walrus said, + "Is what we chiefly need: + Pepper and vinegar besides + Are very good indeed-- + Now if you're ready Oysters dear, + We can begin to feed." + + "But not on us!" the Oysters cried, + Turning a little blue, + "After such kindness, that would be + A dismal thing to do!" + "The night is fine," the Walrus said + "Do you admire the view? + + "It was so kind of you to come! + And you are very nice!" + The Carpenter said nothing but + "Cut us another slice: + I wish you were not quite so deaf-- + I've had to ask you twice!" + + "It seems a shame," the Walrus said, + "To play them such a trick, + After we've brought them out so far, + And made them trot so quick!" + The Carpenter said nothing but + "The butter's spread too thick!" + + "I weep for you," the Walrus said. + "I deeply sympathize." + With sobs and tears he sorted out + Those of the largest size. + Holding his pocket handkerchief + Before his streaming eyes. + + "O Oysters," said the Carpenter. + "You've had a pleasant run! + Shall we be trotting home again?" + But answer came there none-- + And that was scarcely odd, because + They'd eaten every one.' + +}poem + +'I like the Walrus best,' said Alice: 'because you see he was a LITTLE sorry +for the poor oysters.' + +'He ate more than the Carpenter, though,' said Tweedledee. 'You see he held his +handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't count how many he took: +contrariwise.' + +'That was mean!' Alice said indignantly. 'Then I like the Carpenter best--if he +didn't eat so many as the Walrus.' + +'But he ate as many as he could get,' said Tweedledum. + +This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, 'Well! They were BOTH very +unpleasant characters--' Here she checked herself in some alarm, at hearing +something that sounded to her like the puffing of a large steam-engine in the +wood near them, though she feared it was more likely to be a wild beast. 'Are +there any lions or tigers about here?' she asked timidly. + +'It's only the Red King snoring,' said Tweedledee. + +'Come and look at him!' the brothers cried, and they each took one of Alice's +hands, and led her up to where the King was sleeping. + +'Isn't he a LOVELY sight?' said Tweedledum. + +Alice couldn't say honestly that he was. He had a tall red night-cap on, with a +tassel, and he was lying crumpled up into a sort of untidy heap, and snoring +loud--'fit to snore his head off!' as Tweedledum remarked. + +'I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying on the damp grass,' said Alice, who was +a very thoughtful little girl. + +'He's dreaming now,' said Tweedledee: 'and what do you think he's dreaming +about?' + +Alice said 'Nobody can guess that.' + +'Why, about YOU!' Tweedledee exclaimed, clapping his hands triumphantly. 'And +if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?' + +'Where I am now, of course,' said Alice. + +'Not you!' Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. 'You'd be nowhere. Why, you're +only a sort of thing in his dream!' + +'If that there King was to wake,' added Tweedledum, 'you'd go out--bang!--just +like a candle!' + +'I shouldn't!' Alice exclaimed indignantly. 'Besides, if I'M only a sort of +thing in his dream, what are YOU, I should like to know?' + +'Ditto' said Tweedledum. + +'Ditto, ditto' cried Tweedledee. + +He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn't help saying, 'Hush! You'll be +waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise.' + +'Well, it no use YOUR talking about waking him,' said Tweedledum, 'when you're +only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real.' + +'I AM real!' said Alice and began to cry. + +'You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying,' Tweedledee remarked: +'there's nothing to cry about.' + +'If I wasn't real,' Alice said--half-laughing through her tears, it all seemed +so ridiculous--'I shouldn't be able to cry.' + +'I hope you don't suppose those are real tears?' Tweedledum interrupted in a +tone of great contempt. + +'I know they're talking nonsense,' Alice thought to herself: 'and it's foolish +to cry about it.' So she brushed away her tears, and went on as cheerfully as +she could. 'At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really it's +coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to rain?' + +Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up +into it. 'No, I don't think it is,' he said: 'at least--not under HERE. Nohow.' + +'But it may rain OUTSIDE?' + +'It may--if it chooses,' said Tweedledee: 'we've no objection. Contrariwise.' + +'Selfish things!' thought Alice, and she was just going to say 'Good-night' and +leave them, when Tweedledum sprang out from under the umbrella and seized her +by the wrist. + +'Do you see THAT?' he said, in a voice choking with passion, and his eyes grew +large and yellow all in a moment, as he pointed with a trembling finger at a +small white thing lying under the tree. + +'It's only a rattle,' Alice said, after a careful examination of the little +white thing. 'Not a rattleSNAKE, you know,' she added hastily, thinking that he +was frightened: 'only an old rattle--quite old and broken.' + +'I knew it was!' cried Tweedledum, beginning to stamp about wildly and tear his +hair. 'It's spoilt, of course!' Here he looked at Tweedledee, who immediately +sat down on the ground, and tried to hide himself under the umbrella. + +Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said in a soothing tone, 'You needn't be +so angry about an old rattle.' + +'But it isn't old!' Tweedledum cried, in a greater fury than ever. 'It's new, I +tell you--I bought it yesterday--my nice new RATTLE!' and his voice rose to a +perfect scream. + +All this time Tweedledee was trying his best to fold up the umbrella, with +himself in it: which was such an extraordinary thing to do, that it quite took +off Alice's attention from the angry brother. But he couldn't quite succeed, +and it ended in his rolling over, bundled up in the umbrella, with only his +head out: and there he lay, opening and shutting his mouth and his large +eyes--'looking more like a fish than anything else,' Alice thought. + +'Of course you agree to have a battle?' Tweedledum said in a calmer tone. + +'I suppose so,' the other sulkily replied, as he crawled out of the umbrella: +'only SHE must help us to dress up, you know.' + +So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the wood, and returned in a +minute with their arms full of things--such as bolsters, blankets, hearth-rugs, +table-cloths, dish-covers and coal-scuttles. 'I hope you're a good hand at +pinning and tying strings?' Tweedledum remarked. 'Every one of these things has +got to go on, somehow or other.' + +Alice said afterwards she had never seen such a fuss made about anything in all +her life--the way those two bustled about-- and the quantity of things they put +on--and the trouble they gave her in tying strings and fastening +buttons--'Really they'll be more like bundles of old clothes than anything +else, by the time they're ready!' she said to herself, as she arranged a +bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, 'to keep his head from being cut off,' as +he said. + +'You know,' he added very gravely, 'it's one of the most serious things that +can possibly happen to one in a battle--to get one's head cut off.' + +Alice laughed aloud: but she managed to turn it into a cough, for fear of +hurting his feelings. + +'Do I look very pale?' said Tweedledum, coming up to have his helmet tied on. +(He CALLED it a helmet, though it certainly looked much more like a saucepan.) + +'Well--yes--a LITTLE,' Alice replied gently. + +'I'm very brave generally,' he went on in a low voice: 'only to-day I happen to +have a headache.' + +'And I'VE got a toothache!' said Tweedledee, who had overheard the remark. 'I'm +far worse off than you!' + +'Then you'd better not fight to-day,' said Alice, thinking it a good +opportunity to make peace. + +'We MUST have a bit of a fight, but I don't care about going on long,' said +Tweedledum. 'What's the time now?' + +Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said 'Half-past four.' + +'Let's fight till six, and then have dinner,' said Tweedledum. + +'Very well,' the other said, rather sadly: 'and SHE can watch us--only you'd +better not come VERY close,' he added: 'I generally hit everything I can +see--when I get really excited.' + +'And _{I}_ hit everything within reach,' cried Tweedledum, 'whether I can see +it or not!' + +Alice laughed. 'You must hit the TREES pretty often, I should think,' she said. + +Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied smile. 'I don't suppose,' he said, +'there'll be a tree left standing, for ever so far round, by the time we've +finished!' + +'And all about a rattle!' said Alice, still hoping to make them a LITTLE +ashamed of fighting for such a trifle. + +'I shouldn't have minded it so much,' said Tweedledum, 'if it hadn't been a new +one.' + +'I wish the monstrous crow would come!' thought Alice. + +'There's only one sword, you know,' Tweedledum said to his brother: 'but you +can have the umbrella--it's quite as sharp. Only we must begin quick. It's +getting as dark as it can.' + +'And darker,' said Tweedledee. + +It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice thought there must be a thunderstorm +coming on. 'What a thick black cloud that is!' she said. 'And how fast it +comes! Why, I do believe it's got wings!' + +'It's the crow!' Tweedledum cried out in a shrill voice of alarm: and the two +brothers took to their heels and were out of sight in a moment. + +Alice ran a little way into the wood, and stopped under a large tree. 'It can +never get at me HERE,' she thought: 'it's far too large to squeeze itself in +among the trees. But I wish it wouldn't flap its wings so--it makes quite a +hurricane in the wood-- here's somebody's shawl being blown away!' + +CHAPTER V - Wool and Water + +She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked about for the owner: in another +moment the White Queen came running wildly through the wood, with both arms +stretched out wide, as if she were flying, and Alice very civilly went to meet +her with the shawl. + +'I'm very glad I happened to be in the way,' Alice said, as she helped her to +put on her shawl again. + +The White Queen only looked at her in a helpless frightened sort of way, and +kept repeating something in a whisper to herself that sounded like +'bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter,' and Alice felt that if there was to be +any conversation at all, she must manage it herself. So she began rather +timidly: 'Am I addressing the White Queen?' + +'Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing,' The Queen said. 'It isn't MY notion +of the thing, at all.' + +Alice thought it would never do to have an argument at the very beginning of +their conversation, so she smiled and said, 'If your Majesty will only tell me +the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.' + +'But I don't want it done at all!' groaned the poor Queen. 'I've been +a-dressing myself for the last two hours.' + +It would have been all the better, as it seemed to Alice, if she had got some +one else to dress her, she was so dreadfully untidy. 'Every single thing's +crooked,' Alice thought to herself, 'and she's all over pins!--may I put your +shawl straight for you?' she added aloud. + +'I don't know what's the matter with it!' the Queen said, in a melancholy +voice. 'It's out of temper, I think. I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it +there, but there's no pleasing it!' + +'It CAN'T go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side,' Alice said, as +she gently put it right for her; 'and, dear me, what a state your hair is in!' + +'The brush has got entangled in it!' the Queen said with a sigh. 'And I lost +the comb yesterday.' + +Alice carefully released the brush, and did her best to get the hair into +order. 'Come, you look rather better now!' she said, after altering most of the +pins. 'But really you should have a lady's maid!' + +'I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure!' the Queen said. 'Twopence a week, and +jam every other day.' + +Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, 'I don't want you to hire ME--and I +don't care for jam.' + +'It's very good jam,' said the Queen. + +'Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate.' + +'You couldn't have it if you DID want it,' the Queen said. 'The rule is, jam +to-morrow and jam yesterday--but never jam to-day.' + +'It MUST come sometimes to "jam to-day,"' Alice objected. + +'No, it can't,' said the Queen. 'It's jam every OTHER day: to-day isn't any +OTHER day, you know.' + +'I don't understand you,' said Alice. 'It's dreadfully confusing!' + +'That's the effect of living backwards,' the Queen said kindly: 'it always +makes one a little giddy at first--' + +'Living backwards!' Alice repeated in great astonishment. 'I never heard of +such a thing!' + +'--but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both ways.' + +'I'm sure MINE only works one way,' Alice remarked. 'I can't remember things +before they happen.' + +'It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,' the Queen remarked. + +'What sort of things do YOU remember best?' Alice ventured to ask. + +'Oh, things that happened the week after next,' the Queen replied in a careless +tone. 'For instance, now,' she went on, sticking a large piece of plaster +[band-aid] on her finger as she spoke, 'there's the King's Messenger. He's in +prison now, being punished: and the trial doesn't even begin till next +Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all.' + +'Suppose he never commits the crime?' said Alice. + +'That would be all the better, wouldn't it?' the Queen said, as she bound the +plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon. + +Alice felt there was no denying THAT. 'Of course it would be all the better,' +she said: 'but it wouldn't be all the better his being punished.' + +'You're wrong THERE, at any rate,' said the Queen: 'were YOU ever punished?' + +'Only for faults,' said Alice. + +'And you were all the better for it, I know!' the Queen said triumphantly. + +'Yes, but then I HAD done the things I was punished for,' said Alice: 'that +makes all the difference.' + +'But if you HADN'T done them,' the Queen said, 'that would have been better +still; better, and better, and better!' Her voice went higher with each +'better,' till it got quite to a squeak at last. + +Alice was just beginning to say 'There's a mistake somewhere--,' when the Queen +began screaming so loud that she had to leave the sentence unfinished. 'Oh, oh, +oh!' shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as if she wanted to shake it +off. 'My finger's bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!' + +Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine, that Alice had +to hold both her hands over her ears. + +'What IS the matter?' she said, as soon as there was a chance of making herself +heard. 'Have you pricked your finger?' + +'I haven't pricked it YET,' the Queen said, 'but I soon shall-- oh, oh, oh!' + +'When do you expect to do it?' Alice asked, feeling very much inclined to +laugh. + +'When I fasten my shawl again,' the poor Queen groaned out: 'the brooch will +come undone directly. Oh, oh!' As she said the words the brooch flew open, and +the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to clasp it again. + +'Take care!' cried Alice. 'You're holding it all crooked!' And she caught at +the brooch; but it was too late: the pin had slipped, and the Queen had pricked +her finger. + +'That accounts for the bleeding, you see,' she said to Alice with a smile. 'Now +you understand the way things happen here.' + +'But why don't you scream now?' Alice asked, holding her hands ready to put +over her ears again. + +'Why, I've done all the screaming already,' said the Queen. 'What would be the +good of having it all over again?' + +By this time it was getting light. 'The crow must have flown away, I think,' +said Alice: 'I'm so glad it's gone. I thought it was the night coming on.' + +'I wish _{I}_ could manage to be glad!' the Queen said. 'Only I never can +remember the rule. You must be very happy, living in this wood, and being glad +whenever you like!' + +'Only it is so VERY lonely here!' Alice said in a melancholy voice; and at the +thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her cheeks. + +'Oh, don't go on like that!' cried the poor Queen, wringing her hands in +despair. 'Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you've +come to-day. Consider what o'clock it is. Consider anything, only don't cry!' + +Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears. 'Can YOU +keep from crying by considering things?' she asked. + +'That's the way it's done,' the Queen said with great decision: 'nobody can do +two things at once, you know. Let's consider your age to begin with--how old +are you?' + +'I'm seven and a half exactly.' + +'You needn't say "exactually,"' the Queen remarked: 'I can believe it without +that. Now I'll give YOU something to believe. I'm just one hundred and one, +five months and a day.' + +'I can't believe THAT!' said Alice. + +'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again: draw a long breath, +and shut your eyes.' + +Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said: 'one CAN'T believe impossible +things.' + +'I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your +age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as +many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again!' + +The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a sudden gust of wind blew the +Queen's shawl across a little brook. The Queen spread out her arms again, and +went flying after it, and this time she succeeded in catching it for herself. +'I've got it!' she cried in a triumphant tone. 'Now you shall see me pin it on +again, all by myself!' + +'Then I hope your finger is better now?' Alice said very politely, as she +crossed the little brook after the Queen. + +poem{ + +* * * * ~# + + * * * ~# + +* * * * ~# + +}poem + +'Oh, much better!' cried the Queen, her voice rising to a squeak as she went +on. 'Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-e-etter! Be-e-ehh!' The last word ended in a +long bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite started. + +She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have suddenly wrapped herself up in +wool. Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't make out what had +happened at all. Was she in a shop? And was that really--was it really a SHEEP +that was sitting on the other side of the counter? Rub as she could, she could +make nothing more of it: she was in a little dark shop, leaning with her elbows +on the counter, and opposite to her was an old Sheep, sitting in an arm-chair +knitting, and every now and then leaving off to look at her through a great +pair of spectacles. + +'What is it you want to buy?' the Sheep said at last, looking up for a moment +from her knitting. + +'I don't QUITE know yet,' Alice said, very gently. 'I should like to look all +round me first, if I might.' + +'You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like,' said the Sheep: +'but you can't look ALL round you--unless you've got eyes at the back of your +head.' + +But these, as it happened, Alice had NOT got: so she contented herself with +turning round, looking at the shelves as she came to them. + +The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious things-- but the oddest +part of it all was, that whenever she looked hard at any shelf, to make out +exactly what it had on it, that particular shelf was always quite empty: though +the others round it were crowded as full as they could hold. + +'Things flow about so here!' she said at last in a plaintive tone, after she +had spent a minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that looked +sometimes like a doll and sometimes like a work-box, and was always in the +shelf next above the one she was looking at. 'And this one is the most +provoking of all--but I'll tell you what--' she added, as a sudden thought +struck her, 'I'll follow it up to the very top shelf of all. It'll puzzle it to +go through the ceiling, I expect!' + +But even this plan failed: the 'thing' went through the ceiling as quietly as +possible, as if it were quite used to it. + +'Are you a child or a teetotum?' the Sheep said, as she took up another pair of +needles. 'You'll make me giddy soon, if you go on turning round like that.' She +was now working with fourteen pairs at once, and Alice couldn't help looking at +her in great astonishment. + +'How CAN she knit with so many?' the puzzled child thought to herself. 'She +gets more and more like a porcupine every minute!' + +'Can you row?' the Sheep asked, handing her a pair of knitting- needles as she +spoke. + +'Yes, a little--but not on land--and not with needles--' Alice was beginning to +say, when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands, and she found +they were in a little boat, gliding along between banks: so there was nothing +for it but to do her best. + +'Feather!' cried the Sheep, as she took up another pair of needles. + +This didn't sound like a remark that needed any answer, so Alice said nothing, +but pulled away. There was something very queer about the water, she thought, +as every now and then the oars got fast in it, and would hardly come out again. + +'Feather! Feather!' the Sheep cried again, taking more needles. 'You'll be +catching a crab directly.' + +'A dear little crab!' thought Alice. 'I should like that.' + +'Didn't you hear me say "Feather"?' the Sheep cried angrily, taking up quite a +bunch of needles. + +'Indeed I did,' said Alice: 'you've said it very often--and very loud. Please, +where ARE the crabs?' + +'In the water, of course!' said the Sheep, sticking some of the needles into +her hair, as her hands were full. 'Feather, I say!' + +'WHY do you say "feather" so often?' Alice asked at last, rather vexed. 'I'm +not a bird!' + +'You are,' said the Sheep: 'you're a little goose.' + +This offended Alice a little, so there was no more conversation for a minute or +two, while the boat glided gently on, sometimes among beds of weeds (which made +the oars stick fast in the water, worse then ever), and sometimes under trees, +but always with the same tall river-banks frowning over their heads. + +'Oh, please! There are some scented rushes!' Alice cried in a sudden transport +of delight. 'There really are--and SUCH beauties!' + +'You needn't say "please" to ME about 'em,' the Sheep said, without looking up +from her knitting: 'I didn't put 'em there, and I'm not going to take 'em +away.' + +'No, but I meant--please, may we wait and pick some?' Alice pleaded. 'If you +don't mind stopping the boat for a minute.' + +'How am _I_ to stop it?' said the Sheep. 'If you leave off rowing, it'll stop +of itself.' + +So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it would, till it glided +gently in among the waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were carefully +rolled up, and the little arms were plunged in elbow-deep to get the rushes a +good long way down before breaking them off--and for a while Alice forgot all +about the Sheep and the knitting, as she bent over the side of the boat, with +just the ends of her tangled hair dipping into the water--while with bright +eager eyes she caught at one bunch after another of the darling scented rushes. + +'I only hope the boat won't tipple over!' she said to herself. 'Oh, WHAT a +lovely one! Only I couldn't quite reach it.' 'And it certainly DID seem a +little provoking ('almost as if it happened on purpose,' she thought) that, +though she managed to pick plenty of beautiful rushes as the boat glided by, +there was always a more lovely one that she couldn't reach. + +'The prettiest are always further!' she said at last, with a sigh at the +obstinacy of the rushes in growing so far off, as, with flushed cheeks and +dripping hair and hands, she scrambled back into her place, and began to +arrange her new-found treasures. + +What mattered it to her just then that the rushes had begun to fade, and to +lose all their scent and beauty, from the very moment that she picked them? +Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a very little while--and these, +being dream-rushes, melted away almost like snow, as they lay in heaps at her +feet-- but Alice hardly noticed this, there were so many other curious things +to think about. + +They hadn't gone much farther before the blade of one of the oars got fast in +the water and WOULDN'T come out again (so Alice explained it afterwards), and +the consequence was that the handle of it caught her under the chin, and, in +spite of a series of little shrieks of 'Oh, oh, oh!' from poor Alice, it swept +her straight off the seat, and down among the heap of rushes. + +However, she wasn't hurt, and was soon up again: the Sheep went on with her +knitting all the while, just as if nothing had happened. 'That was a nice crab +you caught!' she remarked, as Alice got back into her place, very much relieved +to find herself still in the boat. + +'Was it? I didn't see it,' Said Alice, peeping cautiously over the side of the +boat into the dark water. 'I wish it hadn't let go--I should so like to see a +little crab to take home with me!' But the Sheep only laughed scornfully, and +went on with her knitting. + +'Are there many crabs here?' said Alice. + +'Crabs, and all sorts of things,' said the Sheep: 'plenty of choice, only make +up your mind. Now, what DO you want to buy?' + +'To buy!' Alice echoed in a tone that was half astonished and half +frightened--for the oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished all in a +moment, and she was back again in the little dark shop. + +'I should like to buy an egg, please,' she said timidly. 'How do you sell +them?' + +'Fivepence farthing for one--Twopence for two,' the Sheep replied. + +'Then two are cheaper than one?' Alice said in a surprised tone, taking out her +purse. + +'Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy two,' said the Sheep. + +'Then I'll have ONE, please,' said Alice, as she put the money down on the +counter. For she thought to herself, 'They mightn't be at all nice, you know.' + +The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said 'I never put +things into people's hands--that would never do--you must get it for yourself.' +And so saying, she went off to the other end of the shop, and set the egg +upright on a shelf. + +'I wonder WHY it wouldn't do?' thought Alice, as she groped her way among the +tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end. 'The egg seems +to get further away the more I walk towards it. Let me see, is this a chair? +Why, it's got branches, I declare! How very odd to find trees growing here! And +actually here's a little brook! Well, this is the very queerest shop I ever +saw!' + +poem{ + +* * * * ~# + + * * * ~# + +* * * * ~# + +}poem + +So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as everything turned +into a tree the moment she came up to it, and she quite expected the egg to do +the same. + +CHAPTER VI - Humpty Dumpty + +However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human: when she +had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a nose and +mouth; and when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it was HUMPTY +DUMPTY himself. 'It can't be anybody else!' she said to herself. 'I'm as +certain of it, as if his name were written all over his face.' + +It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormous face. +Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the top of a +high wall--such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how he could keep his +balance--and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the opposite direction, and he +didn't take the least notice of her, she thought he must be a stuffed figure +after all. + +'And how exactly like an egg he is!' she said aloud, standing with her hands +ready to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him to fall. + +'It's VERY provoking,' Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence, looking away +from Alice as he spoke, 'to be called an egg-- VERY!' + +'I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir,' Alice gently explained. 'And some eggs +are very pretty, you know' she added, hoping to turn her remark into a sort of +a compliment. + +'Some people,' said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as usual, 'have no +more sense than a baby!' + +Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all like conversation, she +thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact, his last remark was +evidently addressed to a tree--so she stood and softly repeated to herself:-- + +poem{ + + 'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall: + Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. + All the King's horses and all the King's men + Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.' + +}poem + +'That last line is much too long for the poetry,' she added, almost out loud, +forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her. + +'Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that,' Humpty Dumpty said, +looking at her for the first time, 'but tell me your name and your business.' + +'My NAME is Alice, but--' + +'It's a stupid enough name!' Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently. 'What does +it mean?' + +'MUST a name mean something?' Alice asked doubtfully. + +'Of course it must,' Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh: 'MY name means the +shape I am--and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you +might be any shape, almost.' + +'Why do you sit out here all alone?' said Alice, not wishing to begin an +argument. + +'Why, because there's nobody with me!' cried Humpty Dumpty. 'Did you think I +didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.' + +'Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground?' Alice went on, not with +any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured anxiety for +the queer creature. 'That wall is so VERY narrow!' + +'What tremendously easy riddles you ask!' Humpty Dumpty growled out. 'Of course +I don't think so! Why, if ever I DID fall off-- which there's no chance of--but +IF I did--' Here he pursed his lips and looked so solemn and grand that Alice +could hardly help laughing. 'IF I did fall,' he went on, 'THE KING HAS PROMISED +ME--WITH HIS VERY OWN MOUTH--to--to--' + +'To send all his horses and all his men,' Alice interrupted, rather unwisely. + +'Now I declare that's too bad!' Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking into a sudden +passion. 'You've been listening at doors--and behind trees-- and down +chimneys--or you couldn't have known it!' + +'I haven't, indeed!' Alice said very gently. 'It's in a book.' + +'Ah, well! They may write such things in a BOOK,' Humpty Dumpty said in a +calmer tone. 'That's what you call a History of England, that is. Now, take a +good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to a King, _{I}_ am: mayhap you'll +never see such another: and to show you I'm not proud, you may shake hands with +me!' And he grinned almost from ear to ear, as he leant forwards (and as nearly +as possible fell off the wall in doing so) and offered Alice his hand. She +watched him a little anxiously as she took it. 'If he smiled much more, the +ends of his mouth might meet behind,' she thought: 'and then I don't know what +would happen to his head! I'm afraid it would come off!' + +'Yes, all his horses and all his men,' Humpty Dumpty went on. 'They'd pick me +up again in a minute, THEY would! However, this conversation is going on a +little too fast: let's go back to the last remark but one.' + +'I'm afraid I can't quite remember it,' Alice said very politely. + +'In that case we start fresh,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'and it's my turn to choose +a subject--' ('He talks about it just as if it was a game!' thought Alice.) 'So +here's a question for you. How old did you say you were?' + +Alice made a short calculation, and said 'Seven years and six months.' + +'Wrong!' Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly. 'You never said a word like it!' + +'I though you meant "How old ARE you?"' Alice explained. + +'If I'd meant that, I'd have said it,' said Humpty Dumpty. + +Alice didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing. + +'Seven years and six months!' Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. 'An +uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd have said "Leave +off at seven"--but it's too late now.' + +'I never ask advice about growing,' Alice said indignantly. + +'Too proud?' the other inquired. + +Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. 'I mean,' she said, 'that +one can't help growing older.' + +'ONE can't, perhaps,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'but TWO can. With proper assistance, +you might have left off at seven.' + +'What a beautiful belt you've got on!' Alice suddenly remarked. + +(They had had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and if they +really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) 'At +least,' she corrected herself on second thoughts, 'a beautiful cravat, I should +have said--no, a belt, I mean--I beg your pardon!' she added in dismay, for +Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she began to wish she hadn't +chosen that subject. 'If I only knew,' she thought to herself, 'which was neck +and which was waist!' + +Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for a minute or +two. When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl. + +'It is a--MOST--PROVOKING--thing,' he said at last, 'when a person doesn't know +a cravat from a belt!' + +'I know it's very ignorant of me,' Alice said, in so humble a tone that Humpty +Dumpty relented. + +'It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a present from the +White King and Queen. There now!' + +'Is it really?' said Alice, quite pleased to find that she HAD chosen a good +subject, after all. + +'They gave it me,' Humpty Dumpty continued thoughtfully, as he crossed one knee +over the other and clasped his hands round it, 'they gave it me--for an +un-birthday present.' + +'I beg your pardon?' Alice said with a puzzled air. + +'I'm not offended,' said Humpty Dumpty. + +'I mean, what IS an un-birthday present?' + +'A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course.' + +Alice considered a little. 'I like birthday presents best,' she said at last. + +'You don't know what you're talking about!' cried Humpty Dumpty. 'How many days +are there in a year?' + +'Three hundred and sixty-five,' said Alice. + +'And how many birthdays have you?' + +'One.' + +'And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, what remains?' + +'Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.' + +Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful. 'I'd rather see that done on paper,' he said. + +Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum- book, and worked +the sum for him: + +code{ + + 365 + 1 + ___ + + 364 + ___ + +}code + +Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully. 'That seems to be done +right--' he began. + +'You're holding it upside down!' Alice interrupted. + +'To be sure I was!' Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned it round for him. +'I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, that SEEMS to be done +right--though I haven't time to look it over thoroughly just now--and that +shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get +un-birthday presents--' + +'Certainly,' said Alice. + +'And only ONE for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for you!' + +'I don't know what you mean by "glory,"' Alice said. + +Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. 'Of course you don't-- till I tell you. I +meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"' + +'But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock-down argument,"' Alice objected. + +'When _{I}_ use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it +means just what I choose it to mean--neither more nor less.' + +'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you CAN make words mean so many +different things.' + +'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master-- that's all.' + +Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty Dumpty +began again. 'They've a temper, some of them-- particularly verbs, they're the +proudest--adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs--however, _{I}_ +can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what _{I}_ say!' + +'Would you tell me, please,' said Alice 'what that means?' + +'Now you talk like a reasonable child,' said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much +pleased. 'I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of that subject, +and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean to do next, as I +suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of your life.' + +'That's a great deal to make one word mean,' Alice said in a thoughtful tone. + +'When I make a word do a lot of work like that,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'I always +pay it extra.' + +'Oh!' said Alice. She was too much puzzled to make any other remark. + +'Ah, you should see 'em come round me of a Saturday night,' Humpty Dumpty went +on, wagging his head gravely from side to side: 'for to get their wages, you +know.' + +(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I can't +tell YOU.) + +'You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,' said Alice. 'Would you kindly +tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?' + +'Let's hear it,' said Humpty Dumpty. 'I can explain all the poems that were +ever invented--and a good many that haven't been invented just yet.' + +This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse: + +poem{ + + 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves + Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; + All mimsy were the borogoves, + And the mome raths outgrabe. + +}poem + +'That's enough to begin with,' Humpty Dumpty interrupted: 'there are plenty of +hard words there. "BRILLIG" means four o'clock in the afternoon--the time when +you begin BROILING things for dinner.' + +'That'll do very well,' said Alice: 'and "SLITHY"?' + +'Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy." "Lithe" is the same as "active." You +see it's like a portmanteau--there are two meanings packed up into one word.' + +'I see it now,' Alice remarked thoughtfully: 'and what are "TOVES"?' + +'Well, "TOVES" are something like badgers--they're something like lizards--and +they're something like corkscrews.' + +'They must be very curious looking creatures.' + +'They are that,' said Humpty Dumpty: 'also they make their nests under +sun-dials--also they live on cheese.' + +'And what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?' + +'To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To "GIMBLE" is to make +holes like a gimlet.' + +'And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose?' said Alice, +surprised at her own ingenuity. + +'Of course it is. It's called "WABE," you know, because it goes a long way +before it, and a long way behind it--' + +'And a long way beyond it on each side,' Alice added. + +'Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and miserable" (there's another +portmanteau for you). And a "BOROGOVE" is a thin shabby-looking bird with its +feathers sticking out all round-- something like a live mop.' + +'And then "MOME RATHS"?' said Alice. 'I'm afraid I'm giving you a great deal of +trouble.' + +'Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm not certain about. I +think it's short for "from home"--meaning that they'd lost their way, you +know.' + +'And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?' + +'Well, "OUTGRABING" is something between bellowing and whistling, with a kind +of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe--down in the wood +yonder--and when you've once heard it you'll be QUITE content. Who's been +repeating all that hard stuff to you?' + +'I read it in a book,' said Alice. 'But I had some poetry repeated to me, much +easier than that, by--Tweedledee, I think it was.' + +'As to poetry, you know,' said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of his great +hands, '_I_ can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it comes to that--' + +'Oh, it needn't come to that!' Alice hastily said, hoping to keep him from +beginning. + +'The piece I'm going to repeat,' he went on without noticing her remark, 'was +written entirely for your amusement.' + +Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so she sat down, +and said 'Thank you' rather sadly. + +poem{ + + 'In winter, when the fields are white, + I sing this song for your delight-- + +}poem + +only I don't sing it,' he added, as an explanation. + +'I see you don't,' said Alice. + +'If you can SEE whether I'm singing or not, you've sharper eyes than most.' +Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent. + +poem{ + + 'In spring, when woods are getting green, + I'll try and tell you what I mean.' + +}poem + +'Thank you very much,' said Alice. + +poem{ + + 'In summer, when the days are long, + Perhaps you'll understand the song: + In autumn, when the leaves are brown, + Take pen and ink, and write it down.' + +}poem + +'I will, if I can remember it so long,' said Alice. + +'You needn't go on making remarks like that,' Humpty Dumpty said: 'they're not +sensible, and they put me out.' + +poem{ + + 'I sent a message to the fish: + I told them "This is what I wish." + + The little fishes of the sea, + They sent an answer back to me. + + The little fishes' answer was + "We cannot do it, Sir, because--"' + +}poem + +'I'm afraid I don't quite understand,' said Alice. + +'It gets easier further on,' Humpty Dumpty replied. + +poem{ + + 'I sent to them again to say + "It will be better to obey." + + The fishes answered with a grin, + "Why, what a temper you are in!" + + I told them once, I told them twice: + They would not listen to advice. + + I took a kettle large and new, + Fit for the deed I had to do. + + My heart went hop, my heart went thump; + I filled the kettle at the pump. + + Then some one came to me and said, + "The little fishes are in bed." + + I said to him, I said it plain, + "Then you must wake them up again." + + I said it very loud and clear; + I went and shouted in his ear.' + +}poem + +Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this verse, +and Alice thought with a shudder, 'I wouldn't have been the messenger for +ANYTHING!' + +poem{ + + 'But he was very stiff and proud; + He said "You needn't shout so loud!" + + And he was very proud and stiff; + He said "I'd go and wake them, if--" + + I took a corkscrew from the shelf: + I went to wake them up myself. + + And when I found the door was locked, + I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked. + + And when I found the door was shut, + I tried to turn the handle, but--' + +}poem + +There was a long pause. + +'Is that all?' Alice timidly asked. + +'That's all,' said Humpty Dumpty. 'Good-bye.' + +This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERY strong hint that +she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to stay. So she +got up, and held out her hand. 'Good-bye, till we meet again!' she said as +cheerfully as she could. + +'I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet,' Humpty Dumpty replied in a +discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake; 'you're so exactly +like other people.' + +'The face is what one goes by, generally,' Alice remarked in a thoughtful tone. + +'That's just what I complain of,' said Humpty Dumpty. 'Your face is the same as +everybody has--the two eyes, so--' (marking their places in the air with this +thumb) 'nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always the same. Now if you had +the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance--or the mouth at the +top--that would be SOME help.' + +'It wouldn't look nice,' Alice objected. But Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes +and said 'Wait till you've tried.' + +Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never opened +his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said 'Good-bye!' once more, +and, getting no answer to this, she quietly walked away: but she couldn't help +saying to herself as she went, 'Of all the unsatisfactory--' (she repeated this +aloud, as it was a great comfort to have such a long word to say) 'of all the +unsatisfactory people I EVER met--' She never finished the sentence, for at +this moment a heavy crash shook the forest from end to end. + +CHAPTER VII - The Lion and the Unicorn + +The next moment soldiers came running through the wood, at first in twos and +threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in such crowds that they +seemed to fill the whole forest. Alice got behind a tree, for fear of being run +over, and watched them go by. + +She thought that in all her life she had never seen soldiers so uncertain on +their feet: they were always tripping over something or other, and whenever one +went down, several more always fell over him, so that the ground was soon +covered with little heaps of men. + +Then came the horses. Having four feet, these managed rather better than the +foot-soldiers: but even THEY stumbled now and then; and it seemed to be a +regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled the rider fell off instantly. The +confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was very glad to get out of the +wood into an open place, where she found the White King seated on the ground, +busily writing in his memorandum-book. + +'I've sent them all!' the King cried in a tone of delight, on seeing Alice. +'Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came through the wood?' + +'Yes, I did,' said Alice: 'several thousand, I should think.' + +'Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number,' the King said, +referring to his book. 'I couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two +of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't sent the two Messengers, either. +They're both gone to the town. Just look along the road, and tell me if you can +see either of them.' + +'I see nobody on the road,' said Alice. + +'I only wish _{I}_ had such eyes,' the King remarked in a fretful tone. 'To be +able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, it's as much as _{I}_ can +do to see real people, by this light!' + +All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along the road, +shading her eyes with one hand. 'I see somebody now!' she exclaimed at last. +'But he's coming very slowly--and what curious attitudes he goes into!' (For +the messenger kept skipping up and down, and wriggling like an eel, as he came +along, with his great hands spread out like fans on each side.) + +'Not at all,' said the King. 'He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger-- and those are +Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's happy. His name is Haigha.' +(He pronounced it so as to rhyme with 'mayor.') + +'I love my love with an H,' Alice couldn't help beginning, 'because he is +Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed him with--with--with +Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and he lives--' + +'He lives on the Hill,' the King remarked simply, without the least idea that +he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a +town beginning with H. 'The other Messenger's called Hatta. I must have TWO, +you know--to come and go. One to come, and one to go.' + +'I beg your pardon?' said Alice. + +'It isn't respectable to beg,' said the King. + +'I only meant that I didn't understand,' said Alice. 'Why one to come and one +to go?' + +'Didn't I tell you?' the King repeated impatiently. 'I must have Two--to fetch +and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.' + +At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was far too much out of breath to say +a word, and could only wave his hands about, and make the most fearful faces at +the poor King. + +'This young lady loves you with an H,' the King said, introducing Alice in the +hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself--but it was no +use--the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary every moment, while +the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side. + +'You alarm me!' said the King. 'I feel faint--Give me a ham sandwich!' + +On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that hung +round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who devoured it greedily. + +'Another sandwich!' said the King. + +'There's nothing but hay left now,' the Messenger said, peeping into the bag. + +'Hay, then,' the King murmured in a faint whisper. + +Alice was glad to see that it revived him a good deal. 'There's nothing like +eating hay when you're faint,' he remarked to her, as he munched away. + +'I should think throwing cold water over you would be better,' Alice suggested: +'or some sal-volatile.' + +'I didn't say there was nothing BETTER,' the King replied. 'I said there was +nothing LIKE it.' Which Alice did not venture to deny. + +'Who did you pass on the road?' the King went on, holding out his hand to the +Messenger for some more hay. + +'Nobody,' said the Messenger. + +'Quite right,' said the King: 'this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody +walks slower than you.' + +'I do my best,' the Messenger said in a sulky tone. 'I'm sure nobody walks much +faster than I do!' + +'He can't do that,' said the King, 'or else he'd have been here first. However, +now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's happened in the town.' + +'I'll whisper it,' said the Messenger, putting his hands to his mouth in the +shape of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get close to the King's ear. Alice +was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news too. However, instead of +whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice 'They're at it again!' + +'Do you call THAT a whisper?' cried the poor King, jumping up and shaking +himself. 'If you do such a thing again, I'll have you buttered! It went through +and through my head like an earthquake!' + +'It would have to be a very tiny earthquake!' thought Alice. 'Who are at it +again?' she ventured to ask. + +'Why the Lion and the Unicorn, of course,' said the King. + +'Fighting for the crown?' + +'Yes, to be sure,' said the King: 'and the best of the joke is, that it's MY +crown all the while! Let's run and see them.' And they trotted off, Alice +repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the old song:-- + +poem{ + + 'The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown: + The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town. + Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown; + Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.' + +}poem + +'Does--the one--that wins--get the crown?' she asked, as well as she could, for +the run was putting her quite out of breath. + +'Dear me, no!' said the King. 'What an idea!' + +'Would you--be good enough,' Alice panted out, after running a little further, +'to stop a minute--just to get--one's breath again?' + +'I'm GOOD enough,' the King said, 'only I'm not strong enough. You see, a +minute goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop a +Bandersnatch!' + +Alice had no more breath for talking, so they trotted on in silence, till they +came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the Lion and Unicorn +were fighting. They were in such a cloud of dust, that at first Alice could not +make out which was which: but she soon managed to distinguish the Unicorn by +his horn. + +They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the other messenger, was standing +watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece of +bread-and-butter in the other. + +'He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when he was sent +in,' Haigha whispered to Alice: 'and they only give them oyster-shells in +there--so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. How are you, dear child?' he +went on, putting his arm affectionately round Hatta's neck. + +Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with his bread and butter. + +'Were you happy in prison, dear child?' said Haigha. + +Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear or two trickled down his +cheek: but not a word would he say. + +'Speak, can't you!' Haigha cried impatiently. But Hatta only munched away, and +drank some more tea. + +'Speak, won't you!' cried the King. 'How are they getting on with the fight?' + +Hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed a large piece of bread-and-butter. +'They're getting on very well,' he said in a choking voice: 'each of them has +been down about eighty-seven times.' + +'Then I suppose they'll soon bring the white bread and the brown?' Alice +ventured to remark. + +'It's waiting for 'em now,' said Hatta: 'this is a bit of it as I'm eating.' + +There was a pause in the fight just then, and the Lion and the Unicorn sat +down, panting, while the King called out 'Ten minutes allowed for +refreshments!' Haigha and Hatta set to work at once, carrying rough trays of +white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to taste, but it was VERY dry. + +'I don't think they'll fight any more to-day,' the King said to Hatta: 'go and +order the drums to begin.' And Hatta went bounding away like a grasshopper. + +For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching him. Suddenly she brightened +up. 'Look, look!' she cried, pointing eagerly. 'There's the White Queen running +across the country! She came flying out of the wood over yonder--How fast those +Queens CAN run!' + +'There's some enemy after her, no doubt,' the King said, without even looking +round. 'That wood's full of them.' + +'But aren't you going to run and help her?' Alice asked, very much surprised at +his taking it so quietly. + +'No use, no use!' said the King. 'She runs so fearfully quick. You might as +well try to catch a Bandersnatch! But I'll make a memorandum about her, if you +like--She's a dear good creature,' he repeated softly to himself, as he opened +his memorandum-book. 'Do you spell "creature" with a double "e"?' + +At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands in his pockets. 'I +had the best of it this time?' he said to the King, just glancing at him as he +passed. + +'A little--a little,' the King replied, rather nervously. 'You shouldn't have +run him through with your horn, you know.' + +'It didn't hurt him,' the Unicorn said carelessly, and he was going on, when +his eye happened to fall upon Alice: he turned round rather instantly, and +stood for some time looking at her with an air of the deepest disgust. + +'What--is--this?' he said at last. + +'This is a child!' Haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice to +introduce her, and spreading out both his hands towards her in an Anglo-Saxon +attitude. 'We only found it to-day. It's as large as life, and twice as +natural!' + +'I always thought they were fabulous monsters!' said the Unicorn. 'Is it +alive?' + +'It can talk,' said Haigha, solemnly. + +The Unicorn looked dreamily at Alice, and said 'Talk, child.' + +Alice could not help her lips curling up into a smile as she began: 'Do you +know, I always thought Unicorns were fabulous monsters, too! I never saw one +alive before!' + +'Well, now that we HAVE seen each other,' said the Unicorn, 'if you'll believe +in me, I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?' + +'Yes, if you like,' said Alice. + +'Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man!' the Unicorn went on, turning from her +to the King. 'None of your brown bread for me!' + +'Certainly--certainly!' the King muttered, and beckoned to Haigha. 'Open the +bag!' he whispered. 'Quick! Not that one-- that's full of hay!' + +Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it to Alice to hold, while he +got out a dish and carving-knife. How they all came out of it Alice couldn't +guess. It was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought. + +The Lion had joined them while this was going on: he looked very tired and +sleepy, and his eyes were half shut. 'What's this!' he said, blinking lazily at +Alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone that sounded like the tolling of a +great bell. + +'Ah, what IS it, now?' the Unicorn cried eagerly. 'You'll never guess! _{I}_ +couldn't.' + +The Lion looked at Alice wearily. 'Are you animal--vegetable --or mineral?' he +said, yawning at every other word. + +'It's a fabulous monster!' the Unicorn cried out, before Alice could reply. + +'Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster,' the Lion said, lying down and putting +his chin on this paws. 'And sit down, both of you,' (to the King and the +Unicorn): 'fair play with the cake, you know!' + +The King was evidently very uncomfortable at having to sit down between the two +great creatures; but there was no other place for him. + +'What a fight we might have for the crown, NOW!' the Unicorn said, looking +slyly up at the crown, which the poor King was nearly shaking off his head, he +trembled so much. + +'I should win easy,' said the Lion. + +'I'm not so sure of that,' said the Unicorn. + +'Why, I beat you all round the town, you chicken!' the Lion replied angrily, +half getting up as he spoke. + +Here the King interrupted, to prevent the quarrel going on: he was very +nervous, and his voice quite quivered. 'All round the town?' he said. 'That's a +good long way. Did you go by the old bridge, or the market-place? You get the +best view by the old bridge.' + +'I'm sure I don't know,' the Lion growled out as he lay down again. 'There was +too much dust to see anything. What a time the Monster is, cutting up that +cake!' + +Alice had seated herself on the bank of a little brook, with the great dish on +her knees, and was sawing away diligently with the knife. 'It's very +provoking!' she said, in reply to the Lion (she was getting quite used to being +called 'the Monster'). 'I've cut several slices already, but they always join +on again!' + +'You don't know how to manage Looking-glass cakes,' the Unicorn remarked. 'Hand +it round first, and cut it afterwards.' + +This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently got up, and carried the dish +round, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as she did so. 'NOW cut it +up,' said the Lion, as she returned to her place with the empty dish. + +'I say, this isn't fair!' cried the Unicorn, as Alice sat with the knife in her +hand, very much puzzled how to begin. 'The Monster has given the Lion twice as +much as me!' + +'She's kept none for herself, anyhow,' said the Lion. 'Do you like plum-cake, +Monster?' + +But before Alice could answer him, the drums began. + +Where the noise came from, she couldn't make out: the air seemed full of it, +and it rang through and through her head till she felt quite deafened. She +started to her feet and sprang across the little brook in her terror, + +poem{ + +* * * * ~# + + * * * ~# + +* * * * ~# + +}poem + +and had just time to see the Lion and the Unicorn rise to their feet, with +angry looks at being interrupted in their feast, before she dropped to her +knees, and put her hands over her ears, vainly trying to shut out the dreadful +uproar. + +'If THAT doesn't "drum them out of town,"' she thought to herself, 'nothing +ever will!' + +CHAPTER VIII - 'It's my own Invention' + +After a while the noise seemed gradually to die away, till all was dead +silence, and Alice lifted up her head in some alarm. There was no one to be +seen, and her first thought was that she must have been dreaming about the Lion +and the Unicorn and those queer Anglo-Saxon Messengers. However, there was the +great dish still lying at her feet, on which she had tried to cut the plum- +cake, 'So I wasn't dreaming, after all,' she said to herself, 'unless--unless +we're all part of the same dream. Only I do hope it's MY dream, and not the Red +King's! I don't like belonging to another person's dream,' she went on in a +rather complaining tone: 'I've a great mind to go and wake him, and see what +happens!' + +At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a loud shouting of 'Ahoy! Ahoy! +Check!' and a Knight dressed in crimson armour came galloping down upon her, +brandishing a great club. Just as he reached her, the horse stopped suddenly: +'You're my prisoner!' the Knight cried, as he tumbled off his horse. + +Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened for him than for herself at the +moment, and watched him with some anxiety as he mounted again. As soon as he +was comfortably in the saddle, he began once more 'You're my--' but here +another voice broke in 'Ahoy! Ahoy! Check!' and Alice looked round in some +surprise for the new enemy. + +This time it was a White Knight. He drew up at Alice's side, and tumbled off +his horse just as the Red Knight had done: then he got on again, and the two +Knights sat and looked at each other for some time without speaking. Alice +looked from one to the other in some bewilderment. + +'She's MY prisoner, you know!' the Red Knight said at last. + +'Yes, but then _I_ came and rescued her!' the White Knight replied. + +'Well, we must fight for her, then,' said the Red Knight, as he took up his +helmet (which hung from the saddle, and was something the shape of a horse's +head), and put it on. + +'You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?' the White Knight remarked, +putting on his helmet too. + +'I always do,' said the Red Knight, and they began banging away at each other +with such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out of the way of the blows. + +'I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,' she said to herself, as she +watched the fight, timidly peeping out from her hiding-place: 'one Rule seems +to be, that if one Knight hits the other, he knocks him off his horse, and if +he misses, he tumbles off himself--and another Rule seems to be that they hold +their clubs with their arms, as if they were Punch and Judy--What a noise they +make when they tumble! Just like a whole set of fire- irons falling into the +fender! And how quiet the horses are! They let them get on and off them just as +if they were tables!' + +Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed to be that they +always fell on their heads, and the battle ended with their both falling off in +this way, side by side: when they got up again, they shook hands, and then the +Red Knight mounted and galloped off. + +'It was a glorious victory, wasn't it?' said the White Knight, as he came up +panting. + +'I don't know,' Alice said doubtfully. 'I don't want to be anybody's prisoner. +I want to be a Queen.' + +'So you will, when you've crossed the next brook,' said the White Knight. 'I'll +see you safe to the end of the wood--and then I must go back, you know. That's +the end of my move.' + +'Thank you very much,' said Alice. 'May I help you off with your helmet?' It +was evidently more than he could manage by himself; however, she managed to +shake him out of it at last. + +'Now one can breathe more easily,' said the Knight, putting back his shaggy +hair with both hands, and turning his gentle face and large mild eyes to Alice. +She thought she had never seen such a strange-looking soldier in all her life. + +He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him very badly, and he had a +queer-shaped little deal box fastened across his shoulder, upside-down, and +with the lid hanging open. Alice looked at it with great curiosity. + +'I see you're admiring my little box.' the Knight said in a friendly tone. +'It's my own invention--to keep clothes and sandwiches in. You see I carry it +upside-down, so that the rain can't get in.' + +'But the things can get OUT,' Alice gently remarked. 'Do you know the lid's +open?' + +'I didn't know it,' the Knight said, a shade of vexation passing over his face. +'Then all the things must have fallen out! And the box is no use without them.' +He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going to throw it into the bushes, +when a sudden thought seemed to strike him, and he hung it carefully on a tree. +'Can you guess why I did that?' he said to Alice. + +Alice shook her head. + +'In hopes some bees may make a nest in it--then I should get the honey.' + +'But you've got a bee-hive--or something like one--fastened to the saddle,' +said Alice. + +'Yes, it's a very good bee-hive,' the Knight said in a discontented tone, 'one +of the best kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet. And the other +thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the bees out--or the bees keep +the mice out, I don't know which.' + +'I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for,' said Alice. 'It isn't very +likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.' + +'Not very likely, perhaps,' said the Knight: 'but if they DO come, I don't +choose to have them running all about.' + +'You see,' he went on after a pause, 'it's as well to be provided for +EVERYTHING. That's the reason the horse has all those anklets round his feet.' + +'But what are they for?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity. + +'To guard against the bites of sharks,' the Knight replied. 'It's an invention +of my own. And now help me on. I'll go with you to the end of the wood--What's +the dish for?' + +'It's meant for plum-cake,' said Alice. + +'We'd better take it with us,' the Knight said. 'It'll come in handy if we find +any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.' + +This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag open very +carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in putting in the dish: the +first two or three times that he tried he fell in himself instead. 'It's rather +a tight fit, you see,' he said, as they got it in a last; 'There are so many +candlesticks in the bag.' And he hung it to the saddle, which was already +loaded with bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, and many other things. + +'I hope you've got your hair well fastened on?' he continued, as they set off. + +'Only in the usual way,' Alice said, smiling. + +'That's hardly enough,' he said, anxiously. 'You see the wind is so VERY strong +here. It's as strong as soup.' + +'Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?' Alice +enquired. + +'Not yet,' said the Knight. 'But I've got a plan for keeping it from FALLING +off.' + +'I should like to hear it, very much.' + +'First you take an upright stick,' said the Knight. 'Then you make your hair +creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls off is because it +hangs DOWN--things never fall UPWARDS, you know. It's a plan of my own +invention. You may try it if you like.' + +It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a few minutes she +walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now and then stopping +to help the poor Knight, who certainly was NOT a good rider. + +Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off in front; and +whenever it went on again (which it generally did rather suddenly), he fell off +behind. Otherwise he kept on pretty well, except that he had a habit of now and +then falling off sideways; and as he generally did this on the side on which +Alice was walking, she soon found that it was the best plan not to walk QUITE +close to the horse. + +'I'm afraid you've not had much practice in riding,' she ventured to say, as +she was helping him up from his fifth tumble. + +The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little offended at the remark. +'What makes you say that?' he asked, as he scrambled back into the saddle, +keeping hold of Alice's hair with one hand, to save himself from falling over +on the other side. + +'Because people don't fall off quite so often, when they've had much practice.' + +'I've had plenty of practice,' the Knight said very gravely: 'plenty of +practice!' + +Alice could think of nothing better to say than 'Indeed?' but she said it as +heartily as she could. They went on a little way in silence after this, the +Knight with his eyes shut, muttering to himself, and Alice watching anxiously +for the next tumble. + +'The great art of riding,' the Knight suddenly began in a loud voice, waving +his right arm as he spoke, 'is to keep--' Here the sentence ended as suddenly +as it had begun, as the Knight fell heavily on the top of his head exactly in +the path where Alice was walking. She was quite frightened this time, and said +in an anxious tone, as she picked him up, 'I hope no bones are broken?' + +'None to speak of,' the Knight said, as if he didn't mind breaking two or three +of them. 'The great art of riding, as I was saying, is--to keep your balance +properly. Like this, you know--' + +He let go the bridle, and stretched out both his arms to show Alice what he +meant, and this time he fell flat on his back, right under the horse's feet. + +'Plenty of practice!' he went on repeating, all the time that Alice was getting +him on his feet again. 'Plenty of practice!' + +'It's too ridiculous!' cried Alice, losing all her patience this time. 'You +ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that you ought!' + +'Does that kind go smoothly?' the Knight asked in a tone of great interest, +clasping his arms round the horse's neck as he spoke, just in time to save +himself from tumbling off again. + +'Much more smoothly than a live horse,' Alice said, with a little scream of +laughter, in spite of all she could do to prevent it. + +'I'll get one,' the Knight said thoughtfully to himself. 'One or two--several.' + +There was a short silence after this, and then the Knight went on again. 'I'm a +great hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay you noticed, that last time you +picked me up, that I was looking rather thoughtful?' + +'You WERE a little grave,' said Alice. + +'Well, just then I was inventing a new way of getting over a gate--would you +like to hear it?' + +'Very much indeed,' Alice said politely. + +'I'll tell you how I came to think of it,' said the Knight. 'You see, I said to +myself, "The only difficulty is with the feet: the HEAD is high enough +already." Now, first I put my head on the top of the gate--then I stand on my +head--then the feet are high enough, you see--then I'm over, you see.' + +'Yes, I suppose you'd be over when that was done,' Alice said thoughtfully: +'but don't you think it would be rather hard?' + +'I haven't tried it yet,' the Knight said, gravely: 'so I can't tell for +certain--but I'm afraid it WOULD be a little hard.' + +He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice changed the subject hastily. 'What a +curious helmet you've got!' she said cheerfully. 'Is that your invention too?' + +The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet, which hung from the saddle. +'Yes,' he said, 'but I've invented a better one than that--like a sugar loaf. +When I used to wear it, if I fell off the horse, it always touched the ground +directly. So I had a VERY little way to fall, you see--But there WAS the danger +of falling INTO it, to be sure. That happened to me once--and the worst of it +was, before I could get out again, the other White Knight came and put it on. +He thought it was his own helmet.' + +The knight looked so solemn about it that Alice did not dare to laugh. 'I'm +afraid you must have hurt him,' she said in a trembling voice, 'being on the +top of his head.' + +'I had to kick him, of course,' the Knight said, very seriously. 'And then he +took the helmet off again--but it took hours and hours to get me out. I was as +fast as--as lightning, you know.' + +'But that's a different kind of fastness,' Alice objected. + +The Knight shook his head. 'It was all kinds of fastness with me, I can assure +you!' he said. He raised his hands in some excitement as he said this, and +instantly rolled out of the saddle, and fell headlong into a deep ditch. + +Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him. She was rather startled by +the fall, as for some time he had kept on very well, and she was afraid that he +really WAS hurt this time. However, though she could see nothing but the soles +of his feet, she was much relieved to hear that he was talking on in his usual +tone. 'All kinds of fastness,' he repeated: 'but it was careless of him to put +another man's helmet on--with the man in it, too.' + +'How CAN you go on talking so quietly, head downwards?' Alice asked, as she +dragged him out by the feet, and laid him in a heap on the bank. + +The Knight looked surprised at the question. 'What does it matter where my body +happens to be?' he said. 'My mind goes on working all the same. In fact, the +more head downwards I am, the more I keep inventing new things.' + +'Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did,' he went on after a +pause, 'was inventing a new pudding during the meat- course.' + +'In time to have it cooked for the next course?' said Alice. 'Well, not the +NEXT course,' the Knight said in a slow thoughtful tone: 'no, certainly not the +next COURSE.' + +'Then it would have to be the next day. I suppose you wouldn't have two +pudding-courses in one dinner?' + +'Well, not the NEXT day,' the Knight repeated as before: 'not the next DAY. In +fact,' he went on, holding his head down, and his voice getting lower and +lower, 'I don't believe that pudding ever WAS cooked! In fact, I don't believe +that pudding ever WILL be cooked! And yet it was a very clever pudding to +invent.' + +'What did you mean it to be made of?' Alice asked, hoping to cheer him up, for +the poor Knight seemed quite low-spirited about it. + +'It began with blotting paper,' the Knight answered with a groan. + +'That wouldn't be very nice, I'm afraid--' + +'Not very nice ALONE,' he interrupted, quite eagerly: 'but you've no idea what +a difference it makes mixing it with other things--such as gunpowder and +sealing-wax. And here I must leave you.' They had just come to the end of the +wood. + +Alice could only look puzzled: she was thinking of the pudding. + +'You are sad,' the Knight said in an anxious tone: 'let me sing you a song to +comfort you.' + +'Is it very long?' Alice asked, for she had heard a good deal of poetry that +day. + +'It's long,' said the Knight, 'but very, VERY beautiful. Everybody that hears +me sing it--either it brings the TEARS into their eyes, or else--' + +'Or else what?' said Alice, for the Knight had made a sudden pause. + +'Or else it doesn't, you know. The name of the song is called "HADDOCKS' +EYES."' + +'Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?' Alice said, trying to feel +interested. + +'No, you don't understand,' the Knight said, looking a little vexed. 'That's +what the name is CALLED. The name really IS "THE AGED AGED MAN."' + +'Then I ought to have said "That's what the SONG is called"?' Alice corrected +herself. + +'No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The SONG is called "WAYS AND +MEANS": but that's only what it's CALLED, you know!' + +'Well, what IS the song, then?' said Alice, who was by this time completely +bewildered. + +'I was coming to that,' the Knight said. 'The song really IS "A-SITTING ON A +GATE": and the tune's my own invention.' + +So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall on its neck: then, +slowly beating time with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting up his +gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the music of his song, he began. + +Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her journey Through The +Looking-Glass, this was the one that she always remembered most clearly. Years +afterwards she could bring the whole scene back again, as if it had been only +yesterday--the mild blue eyes and kindly smile of the Knight--the setting sun +gleaming through his hair, and shining on his armour in a blaze of light that +quite dazzled her--the horse quietly moving about, with the reins hanging loose +on his neck, cropping the grass at her feet--and the black shadows of the +forest behind--all this she took in like a picture, as, with one hand shading +her eyes, she leant against a tree, watching the strange pair, and listening, +in a half dream, to the melancholy music of the song. + +'But the tune ISN'T his own invention,' she said to herself: 'it's "I GIVE THEE +ALL, I CAN NO MORE."' She stood and listened very attentively, but no tears +came into her eyes. + +poem{ + + 'I'll tell thee everything I can; + There's little to relate. + I saw an aged aged man, + A-sitting on a gate. + "Who are you, aged man?" I said, + "and how is it you live?" + And his answer trickled through my head + Like water through a sieve. + + He said "I look for butterflies + That sleep among the wheat: + I make them into mutton-pies, + And sell them in the street. + I sell them unto men," he said, + "Who sail on stormy seas; + And that's the way I get my bread-- + A trifle, if you please." + + But I was thinking of a plan + To dye one's whiskers green, + And always use so large a fan + That they could not be seen. + So, having no reply to give + To what the old man said, + I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!" + And thumped him on the head. + + His accents mild took up the tale: + He said "I go my ways, + And when I find a mountain-rill, + I set it in a blaze; + And thence they make a stuff they call + Rolands' Macassar Oil-- + Yet twopence-halfpenny is all + They give me for my toil." + + But I was thinking of a way + To feed oneself on batter, + And so go on from day to day + Getting a little fatter. + I shook him well from side to side, + Until his face was blue: + "Come, tell me how you live," I cried, + "And what it is you do!" + + He said "I hunt for haddocks' eyes + Among the heather bright, + And work them into waistcoat-buttons + In the silent night. + And these I do not sell for gold + Or coin of silvery shine + But for a copper halfpenny, + And that will purchase nine. + + "I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, + Or set limed twigs for crabs; + I sometimes search the grassy knolls + For wheels of Hansom-cabs. + And that's the way" (he gave a wink) + "By which I get my wealth-- + And very gladly will I drink + Your Honour's noble health." + + I heard him then, for I had just + Completed my design + To keep the Menai bridge from rust + By boiling it in wine. + I thanked him much for telling me + The way he got his wealth, + But chiefly for his wish that he + Might drink my noble health. + + And now, if e'er by chance I put + My fingers into glue + Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot + Into a left-hand shoe, + Or if I drop upon my toe + A very heavy weight, + I weep, for it reminds me so, + Of that old man I used to know-- + + Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow, + Whose hair was whiter than the snow, + Whose face was very like a crow, + With eyes, like cinders, all aglow, + Who seemed distracted with his woe, + Who rocked his body to and fro, + And muttered mumblingly and low, + As if his mouth were full of dough, + Who snorted like a buffalo-- + That summer evening, long ago, + A-sitting on a gate.' + +}poem + +As the Knight sang the last words of the ballad, he gathered up the reins, and +turned his horse's head along the road by which they had come. 'You've only a +few yards to go,' he said, 'down the hill and over that little brook, and then +you'll be a Queen-- But you'll stay and see me off first?' he added as Alice +turned with an eager look in the direction to which he pointed. 'I shan't be +long. You'll wait and wave your handkerchief when I get to that turn in the +road? I think it'll encourage me, you see.' + +'Of course I'll wait,' said Alice: 'and thank you very much for coming so +far--and for the song--I liked it very much.' + +'I hope so,' the Knight said doubtfully: 'but you didn't cry so much as I +thought you would.' + +So they shook hands, and then the Knight rode slowly away into the forest. 'It +won't take long to see him OFF, I expect,' Alice said to herself, as she stood +watching him. 'There he goes! Right on his head as usual! However, he gets on +again pretty easily--that comes of having so many things hung round the +horse--' So she went on talking to herself, as she watched the horse walking +leisurely along the road, and the Knight tumbling off, first on one side and +then on the other. After the fourth or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and +then she waved her handkerchief to him, and waited till he was out of sight. + +'I hope it encouraged him,' she said, as she turned to run down the hill: 'and +now for the last brook, and to be a Queen! How grand it sounds!' A very few +steps brought her to the edge of the brook. 'The Eighth Square at last!' she +cried as she bounded across, + +poem{ + +* * * * ~# + + * * * ~# + +* * * * ~# + +}poem + +and threw herself down to rest on a lawn as soft as moss, with little +flower-beds dotted about it here and there. 'Oh, how glad I am to get here! And +what IS this on my head?' she exclaimed in a tone of dismay, as she put her +hands up to something very heavy, and fitted tight all round her head. + +'But how CAN it have got there without my knowing it?' she said to herself, as +she lifted it off, and set it on her lap to make out what it could possibly be. + +It was a golden crown. + +CHAPTER IX - Queen Alice + +'Well, this IS grand!' said Alice. 'I never expected I should be a Queen so +soon--and I'll tell you what it is, your majesty,' she went on in a severe tone +(she was always rather fond of scolding herself), 'it'll never do for you to be +lolling about on the grass like that! Queens have to be dignified, you know!' + +So she got up and walked about--rather stiffly just at first, as she was afraid +that the crown might come off: but she comforted herself with the thought that +there was nobody to see her, 'and if I really am a Queen,' she said as she sat +down again, 'I shall be able to manage it quite well in time.' + +Everything was happening so oddly that she didn't feel a bit surprised at +finding the Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on each +side: she would have liked very much to ask them how they came there, but she +feared it would not be quite civil. However, there would be no harm, she +thought, in asking if the game was over. 'Please, would you tell me--' she +began, looking timidly at the Red Queen. + +'Speak when you're spoken to!' The Queen sharply interrupted her. + +'But if everybody obeyed that rule,' said Alice, who was always ready for a +little argument, 'and if you only spoke when you were spoken to, and the other +person always waited for YOU to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, +so that--' + +'Ridiculous!' cried the Queen. 'Why, don't you see, child--' here she broke off +with a frown, and, after thinking for a minute, suddenly changed the subject of +the conversation. 'What do you mean by "If you really are a Queen"? What right +have you to call yourself so? You can't be a Queen, you know, till you've +passed the proper examination. And the sooner we begin it, the better.' + +'I only said "if"!' poor Alice pleaded in a piteous tone. + +The two Queens looked at each other, and the Red Queen remarked, with a little +shudder, 'She SAYS she only said "if"--' + +'But she said a great deal more than that!' the White Queen moaned, wringing +her hands. 'Oh, ever so much more than that!' + +'So you did, you know,' the Red Queen said to Alice. 'Always speak the +truth--think before you speak--and write it down afterwards.' + +'I'm sure I didn't mean--' Alice was beginning, but the Red Queen interrupted +her impatiently. + +'That's just what I complain of! You SHOULD have meant! What do you suppose is +the use of child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning--and +a child's more important than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if +you tried with both hands.' + +'I don't deny things with my HANDS,' Alice objected. + +'Nobody said you did,' said the Red Queen. 'I said you couldn't if you tried.' + +'She's in that state of mind,' said the White Queen, 'that she wants to deny +SOMETHING--only she doesn't know what to deny!' + +'A nasty, vicious temper,' the Red Queen remarked; and then there was an +uncomfortable silence for a minute or two. + +The Red Queen broke the silence by saying to the White Queen, 'I invite you to +Alice's dinner-party this afternoon.' + +The White Queen smiled feebly, and said 'And I invite YOU.' + +'I didn't know I was to have a party at all,' said Alice; 'but if there is to +be one, I think _{I}_ ought to invite the guests.' + +'We gave you the opportunity of doing it,' the Red Queen remarked: 'but I +daresay you've not had many lessons in manners yet?' + +'Manners are not taught in lessons,' said Alice. 'Lessons teach you to do sums, +and things of that sort.' + +'And you do Addition?' the White Queen asked. 'What's one and one and one and +one and one and one and one and one and one and one?' + +'I don't know,' said Alice. 'I lost count.' + +'She can't do Addition,' the Red Queen interrupted. 'Can you do Subtraction? +Take nine from eight.' + +'Nine from eight I can't, you know,' Alice replied very readily: 'but--' + +'She can't do Subtraction,' said the White Queen. 'Can you do Division? Divide +a loaf by a knife--what's the answer to that?' + +'I suppose--' Alice was beginning, but the Red Queen answered for her. +'Bread-and-butter, of course. Try another Subtraction sum. Take a bone from a +dog: what remains?' + +Alice considered. 'The bone wouldn't remain, of course, if I took it--and the +dog wouldn't remain; it would come to bite me --and I'm sure I shouldn't +remain!' + +'Then you think nothing would remain?' said the Red Queen. + +'I think that's the answer.' + +'Wrong, as usual,' said the Red Queen: 'the dog's temper would remain.' + +'But I don't see how--' + +'Why, look here!' the Red Queen cried. 'The dog would lose its temper, wouldn't +it?' + +'Perhaps it would,' Alice replied cautiously. + +'Then if the dog went away, its temper would remain!' the Queen exclaimed +triumphantly. + +Alice said, as gravely as she could, 'They might go different ways.' But she +couldn't help thinking to herself, 'What dreadful nonsense we ARE talking!' + +'She can't do sums a BIT!' the Queens said together, with great emphasis. + +'Can YOU do sums?' Alice said, turning suddenly on the White Queen, for she +didn't like being found fault with so much. + +The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. 'I can do Addition, if you give me +time--but I can do Subtraction, under ANY circumstances!' + +'Of course you know your A B C?' said the Red Queen. + +'To be sure I do.' said Alice. + +'So do I,' the White Queen whispered: 'we'll often say it over together, dear. +And I'll tell you a secret--I can read words of one letter! Isn't THAT grand! +However, don't be discouraged. You'll come to it in time.' + +Here the Red Queen began again. 'Can you answer useful questions?' she said. +'How is bread made?' + +'I know THAT!' Alice cried eagerly. 'You take some flour--' + +'Where do you pick the flower?' the White Queen asked. 'In a garden, or in the +hedges?' + +'Well, it isn't PICKED at all,' Alice explained: 'it's GROUND--' + +'How many acres of ground?' said the White Queen. 'You mustn't leave out so +many things.' + +'Fan her head!' the Red Queen anxiously interrupted. 'She'll be feverish after +so much thinking.' So they set to work and fanned her with bunches of leaves, +till she had to beg them to leave off, it blew her hair about so. + +'She's all right again now,' said the Red Queen. 'Do you know Languages? What's +the French for fiddle-de-dee?' + +'Fiddle-de-dee's not English,' Alice replied gravely. + +'Who ever said it was?' said the Red Queen. + +Alice thought she saw a way out of the difficulty this time. 'If you'll tell me +what language "fiddle-de-dee" is, I'll tell you the French for it!' she +exclaimed triumphantly. + +But the Red Queen drew herself up rather stiffly, and said 'Queens never make +bargains.' + +'I wish Queens never asked questions,' Alice thought to herself. + +'Don't let us quarrel,' the White Queen said in an anxious tone. 'What is the +cause of lightning?' + +'The cause of lightning,' Alice said very decidedly, for she felt quite certain +about this, 'is the thunder--no, no!' she hastily corrected herself. 'I meant +the other way.' + +'It's too late to correct it,' said the Red Queen: 'when you've once said a +thing, that fixes it, and you must take the consequences.' + +'Which reminds me--' the White Queen said, looking down and nervously clasping +and unclasping her hands, 'we had SUCH a thunderstorm last Tuesday--I mean one +of the last set of Tuesdays, you know.' + +Alice was puzzled. 'In OUR country,' she remarked, 'there's only one day at a +time.' + +The Red Queen said, 'That's a poor thin way of doing things. Now HERE, we +mostly have days and nights two or three at a time, and sometimes in the winter +we take as many as five nights together--for warmth, you know.' + +'Are five nights warmer than one night, then?' Alice ventured to ask. + +'Five times as warm, of course.' + +'But they should be five times as COLD, by the same rule--' + +'Just so!' cried the Red Queen. 'Five times as warm, AND five times as +cold--just as I'm five times as rich as you are, AND five times as clever!' + +Alice sighed and gave it up. 'It's exactly like a riddle with no answer!' she +thought. + +'Humpty Dumpty saw it too,' the White Queen went on in a low voice, more as if +she were talking to herself. 'He came to the door with a corkscrew in his +hand--' + +'What did he want?' said the Red Queen. + +'He said he WOULD come in,' the White Queen went on, 'because he was looking +for a hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, there wasn't such a thing in the +house, that morning.' + +'Is there generally?' Alice asked in an astonished tone. + +'Well, only on Thursdays,' said the Queen. + +'I know what he came for,' said Alice: 'he wanted to punish the fish, +because--' + +Here the White Queen began again. 'It was SUCH a thunderstorm, you can't +think!' ('She NEVER could, you know,' said the Red Queen.) 'And part of the +roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in--and it went rolling round the +room in great lumps--and knocking over the tables and things--till I was so +frightened, I couldn't remember my own name!' + +Alice thought to herself, 'I never should TRY to remember my name in the middle +of an accident! Where would be the use of it?' but she did not say this aloud, +for fear of hurting the poor Queen's feeling. + +'Your Majesty must excuse her,' the Red Queen said to Alice, taking one of the +White Queen's hands in her own, and gently stroking it: 'she means well, but +she can't help saying foolish things, as a general rule.' + +The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who felt she OUGHT to say something +kind, but really couldn't think of anything at the moment. + +'She never was really well brought up,' the Red Queen went on: 'but it's +amazing how good-tempered she is! Pat her on the head, and see how pleased +she'll be!' But this was more than Alice had courage to do. + +'A little kindness--and putting her hair in papers--would do wonders with +her--' + +The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and laid her head on Alice's shoulder. 'I AM +so sleepy?' she moaned. + +'She's tired, poor thing!' said the Red Queen. 'Smooth her hair --lend her your +nightcap--and sing her a soothing lullaby.' + +'I haven't got a nightcap with me,' said Alice, as she tried to obey the first +direction: 'and I don't know any soothing lullabies.' + +'I must do it myself, then,' said the Red Queen, and she began: + +poem{ + + 'Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap! + Till the feast's ready, we've time for a nap: + When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball-- + Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all! + +}poem + +'And now you know the words,' she added, as she put her head down on Alice's +other shoulder, 'just sing it through to ME. I'm getting sleepy, too.' In +another moment both Queens were fast asleep, and snoring loud. + +'What AM I to do?' exclaimed Alice, looking about in great perplexity, as first +one round head, and then the other, rolled down from her shoulder, and lay like +a heavy lump in her lap. 'I don't think it EVER happened before, that any one +had to take care of two Queens asleep at once! No, not in all the History of +England--it couldn't, you know, because there never was more than one Queen at +a time. Do wake up, you heavy things!' she went on in an impatient tone; but +there was no answer but a gentle snoring. + +The snoring got more distinct every minute, and sounded more like a tune: at +last she could even make out the words, and she listened so eagerly that, when +the two great heads vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them. + +She was standing before an arched doorway over which were the words QUEEN ALICE +in large letters, and on each side of the arch there was a bell-handle; one was +marked 'Visitors' Bell,' and the other 'Servants' Bell.' + +'I'll wait till the song's over,' thought Alice, 'and then I'll +ring--the--WHICH bell must I ring?' she went on, very much puzzled by the +names. 'I'm not a visitor, and I'm not a servant. There OUGHT to be one marked +"Queen," you know--' + +Just then the door opened a little way, and a creature with a long beak put its +head out for a moment and said 'No admittance till the week after next!' and +shut the door again with a bang. + +Alice knocked and rang in vain for a long time, but at last, a very old Frog, +who was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled slowly towards her: he was +dressed in bright yellow, and had enormous boots on. + +'What is it, now?' the Frog said in a deep hoarse whisper. + +Alice turned round, ready to find fault with anybody. 'Where's the servant +whose business it is to answer the door?' she began angrily. + +'Which door?' said the Frog. + +Alice almost stamped with irritation at the slow drawl in which he spoke. 'THIS +door, of course!' + +The Frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes for a minute: then he went +nearer and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were trying whether the paint +would come off; then he looked at Alice. + +'To answer the door?' he said. 'What's it been asking of?' He was so hoarse +that Alice could scarcely hear him. + +'I don't know what you mean,' she said. + +'I talks English, doesn't I?' the Frog went on. 'Or are you deaf? What did it +ask you?' + +'Nothing!' Alice said impatiently. 'I've been knocking at it!' + +'Shouldn't do that--shouldn't do that--' the Frog muttered. 'Vexes it, you +know.' Then he went up and gave the door a kick with one of his great feet. +'You let IT alone,' he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree, 'and it'll +let YOU alone, you know.' + +At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill voice was heard singing: + +poem{ + + 'To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said, + "I've a sceptre in hand, I've a crown on my head; + Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be, + Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me."' + +}poem + +And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus: + +poem{ + + 'Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can, + And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran: + Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea-- + And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three!' + +}poem + +Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and Alice thought to herself, +'Thirty times three makes ninety. I wonder if any one's counting?' In a minute +there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse; + +poem{ + + '"O Looking-Glass creatures," quothe Alice, "draw near! + 'Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear: + 'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea + Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!"' + +}poem + +Then came the chorus again:-- + +poem{ + + 'Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink, + Or anything else that is pleasant to drink: + Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine-- + And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine!' + +}poem + +'Ninety times nine!' Alice repeated in despair, 'Oh, that'll never be done! I'd +better go in at once--' and there was a dead silence the moment she appeared. + +Alice glanced nervously along the table, as she walked up the large hall, and +noticed that there were about fifty guests, of all kinds: some were animals, +some birds, and there were even a few flowers among them. 'I'm glad they've +come without waiting to be asked,' she thought: 'I should never have known who +were the right people to invite!' + +There were three chairs at the head of the table; the Red and White Queens had +already taken two of them, but the middle one was empty. Alice sat down in it, +rather uncomfortable in the silence, and longing for some one to speak. + +At last the Red Queen began. 'You've missed the soup and fish,' she said. 'Put +on the joint!' And the waiters set a leg of mutton before Alice, who looked at +it rather anxiously, as she had never had to carve a joint before. + +'You look a little shy; let me introduce you to that leg of mutton,' said the +Red Queen. 'Alice--Mutton; Mutton--Alice.' The leg of mutton got up in the dish +and made a little bow to Alice; and Alice returned the bow, not knowing whether +to be frightened or amused. + +'May I give you a slice?' she said, taking up the knife and fork, and looking +from one Queen to the other. + +'Certainly not,' the Red Queen said, very decidedly: 'it isn't etiquette to cut +any one you've been introduced to. Remove the joint!' And the waiters carried +it off, and brought a large plum-pudding in its place. + +'I won't be introduced to the pudding, please,' Alice said rather hastily, 'or +we shall get no dinner at all. May I give you some?' + +But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled 'Pudding--Alice; Alice--Pudding. +Remove the pudding!' and the waiters took it away so quickly that Alice +couldn't return its bow. + +However, she didn't see why the Red Queen should be the only one to give +orders, so, as an experiment, she called out 'Waiter! Bring back the pudding!' +and there it was again in a moment like a conjuring-trick. It was so large that +she couldn't help feeling a LITTLE shy with it, as she had been with the +mutton; however, she conquered her shyness by a great effort and cut a slice +and handed it to the Red Queen. + +'What impertinence!' said the Pudding. 'I wonder how you'd like it, if I were +to cut a slice out of YOU, you creature!' + +It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and Alice hadn't a word to say in +reply: she could only sit and look at it and gasp. + +'Make a remark,' said the Red Queen: 'it's ridiculous to leave all the +conversation to the pudding!' + +'Do you know, I've had such a quantity of poetry repeated to me to-day,' Alice +began, a little frightened at finding that, the moment she opened her lips, +there was dead silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her; 'and it's a very +curious thing, I think-- every poem was about fishes in some way. Do you know +why they're so fond of fishes, all about here?' + +She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a little wide of the mark. 'As to +fishes,' she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting her mouth close to Alice's +ear, 'her White Majesty knows a lovely riddle--all in poetry--all about fishes. +Shall she repeat it?' + +'Her Red Majesty's very kind to mention it,' the White Queen murmured into +Alice's other ear, in a voice like the cooing of a pigeon. 'It would be SUCH a +treat! May I?' + +'Please do,' Alice said very politely. + +The White Queen laughed with delight, and stroked Alice's cheek. Then she +began: + +poem{ + + '"First, the fish must be caught." + That is easy: a baby, I think, could have caught it. + "Next, the fish must be bought." + That is easy: a penny, I think, would have bought it. + + "Now cook me the fish!" + That is easy, and will not take more than a minute. + "Let it lie in a dish!" + That is easy, because it already is in it. + + "Bring it here! Let me sup!" + It is easy to set such a dish on the table. + "Take the dish-cover up!" + Ah, THAT is so hard that I fear I'm unable! + + For it holds it like glue-- + Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle: + Which is easiest to do, + Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle?' + +}poem + +'Take a minute to think about it, and then guess,' said the Red Queen. +'Meanwhile, we'll drink your health--Queen Alice's health!' she screamed at the +top of her voice, and all the guests began drinking it directly, and very +queerly they managed it: some of them put their glasses upon their heads like +extinguishers, and drank all that trickled down their faces--others upset the +decanters, and drank the wine as it ran off the edges of the table--and three +of them (who looked like kangaroos) scrambled into the dish of roast mutton, +and began eagerly lapping up the gravy, 'just like pigs in a trough!' thought +Alice. + +'You ought to return thanks in a neat speech,' the Red Queen said, frowning at +Alice as she spoke. + +'We must support you, you know,' the White Queen whispered, as Alice got up to +do it, very obediently, but a little frightened. + +'Thank you very much,' she whispered in reply, 'but I can do quite well +without.' + +'That wouldn't be at all the thing,' the Red Queen said very decidedly: so +Alice tried to submit to it with a good grace. + +('And they DID push so!' she said afterwards, when she was telling her sister +the history of the feast. 'You would have thought they wanted to squeeze me +flat!') + +In fact it was rather difficult for her to keep in her place while she made her +speech: the two Queens pushed her so, one on each side, that they nearly lifted +her up into the air: 'I rise to return thanks--' Alice began: and she really +DID rise as she spoke, several inches; but she got hold of the edge of the +table, and managed to pull herself down again. + +'Take care of yourself!' screamed the White Queen, seizing Alice's hair with +both her hands. 'Something's going to happen!' + +And then (as Alice afterwards described it) all sorts of things happened in a +moment. The candles all grew up to the ceiling, looking something like a bed of +rushes with fireworks at the top. As to the bottles, they each took a pair of +plates, which they hastily fitted on as wings, and so, with forks for legs, +went fluttering about in all directions: 'and very like birds they look,' Alice +thought to herself, as well as she could in the dreadful confusion that was +beginning. + +At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh at her side, and turned to see what was +the matter with the White Queen; but, instead of the Queen, there was the leg +of mutton sitting in the chair. 'Here I am!' cried a voice from the soup +tureen, and Alice turned again, just in time to see the Queen's broad +good-natured face grinning at her for a moment over the edge of the tureen, +before she disappeared into the soup. + +There was not a moment to be lost. Already several of the guests were lying +down in the dishes, and the soup ladle was walking up the table towards Alice's +chair, and beckoning to her impatiently to get out of its way. + +'I can't stand this any longer!' she cried as she jumped up and seized the +table-cloth with both hands: one good pull, and plates, dishes, guests, and +candles came crashing down together in a heap on the floor. + +'And as for YOU,' she went on, turning fiercely upon the Red Queen, whom she +considered as the cause of all the mischief--but the Queen was no longer at her +side--she had suddenly dwindled down to the size of a little doll, and was now +on the table, merrily running round and round after her own shawl, which was +trailing behind her. + +At any other time, Alice would have felt surprised at this, but she was far too +much excited to be surprised at anything NOW. 'As for YOU,' she repeated, +catching hold of the little creature in the very act of jumping over a bottle +which had just lighted upon the table, 'I'll shake you into a kitten, that I +will!' + +CHAPTER X - Shaking + +She took her off the table as she spoke, and shook her backwards and forwards +with all her might. + +The Red Queen made no resistance whatever; only her face grew very small, and +her eyes got large and green: and still, as Alice went on shaking her, she kept +on growing shorter--and fatter--and softer--and rounder--and-- + +CHAPTER XI - Waking + +--and it really WAS a kitten, after all. + +CHAPTER XII - Which Dreamed it? + +'Your majesty shouldn't purr so loud,' Alice said, rubbing her eyes, and +addressing the kitten, respectfully, yet with some severity. 'You woke me out +of oh! such a nice dream! And you've been along with me, Kitty--all through the +Looking-Glass world. Did you know it, dear?' + +It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens (Alice had once made the remark) +that, whatever you say to them, they ALWAYS purr. 'If they would only purr for +"yes" and mew for "no," or any rule of that sort,' she had said, 'so that one +could keep up a conversation! But how CAN you talk with a person if they always +say the same thing?' + +On this occasion the kitten only purred: and it was impossible to guess whether +it meant 'yes' or 'no.' + +So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the table till she had found the Red +Queen: then she went down on her knees on the hearth-rug, and put the kitten +and the Queen to look at each other. 'Now, Kitty!' she cried, clapping her +hands triumphantly. 'Confess that was what you turned into!' + +('But it wouldn't look at it,' she said, when she was explaining the thing +afterwards to her sister: 'it turned away its head, and pretended not to see +it: but it looked a LITTLE ashamed of itself, so I think it MUST have been the +Red Queen.') + +'Sit up a little more stiffly, dear!' Alice cried with a merry laugh. 'And +curtsey while you're thinking what to--what to purr. It saves time, remember!' +And she caught it up and gave it one little kiss, 'just in honour of having +been a Red Queen.' + +'Snowdrop, my pet!' she went on, looking over her shoulder at the White Kitten, +which was still patiently undergoing its toilet, 'when WILL Dinah have finished +with your White Majesty, I wonder? That must be the reason you were so untidy +in my dream-- Dinah! do you know that you're scrubbing a White Queen? Really, +it's most disrespectful of you! + +'And what did DINAH turn to, I wonder?' she prattled on, as she settled +comfortably down, with one elbow in the rug, and her chin in her hand, to watch +the kittens. 'Tell me, Dinah, did you turn to Humpty Dumpty? I THINK you +did--however, you'd better not mention it to your friends just yet, for I'm not +sure. + +'By the way, Kitty, if only you'd been really with me in my dream, there was +one thing you WOULD have enjoyed--I had such a quantity of poetry said to me, +all about fishes! To-morrow morning you shall have a real treat. All the time +you're eating your breakfast, I'll repeat "The Walrus and the Carpenter" to +you; and then you can make believe it's oysters, dear! + +'Now, Kitty, let's consider who it was that dreamed it all. This is a serious +question, my dear, and you should NOT go on licking your paw like that--as if +Dinah hadn't washed you this morning! You see, Kitty, it MUST have been either +me or the Red King. He was part of my dream, of course--but then I was part of +his dream, too! WAS it the Red King, Kitty? You were his wife, my dear, so you +ought to know--Oh, Kitty, DO help to settle it! I'm sure your paw can wait!' +But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn't +heard the question. + +Which do YOU think it was? + +poem{ + + A boat beneath a sunny sky, + Lingering onward dreamily + In an evening of July-- + + Children three that nestle near, + Eager eye and willing ear, + Pleased a simple tale to hear-- + + Long has paled that sunny sky: + Echoes fade and memories die. + Autumn frosts have slain July. + + Still she haunts me, phantomwise, + Alice moving under skies + Never seen by waking eyes. + + Children yet, the tale to hear, + Eager eye and willing ear, + Lovingly shall nestle near. + + In a Wonderland they lie, + Dreaming as the days go by, + Dreaming as the summers die: + + Ever drifting down the stream-- + Lingering in the golden gleam-- + Life, what is it but a dream? + +}poem + +THE END |